Dating Articles

36 Articles

Posted by Katherine on

Ladies, You’ve Never Seen This Shopping List Before!

Though we may not acknowledge it, most of us have a mental shopping list (or maybe a wish list!) of the qualities and traits we want our Christian dream man or woman to have.

Whether Christian dating online or off everyone has their own unique shopping list of preferences that they are looking for in a companion. The criteria are almost boundless. Men may be looking for a demure woman or a woman with a good sense of humor or brown hair. Most of these traits are things which we cannot control such as eye color, height etc. Women will not be able to appeal to all of the men all of the time, but you can appeal to many of the men much of the time!

You probably know someone who was looking for a certain type, but finally settled down with someone who supposedly was not his or her cup of tea in the beginning, right? The fact is that we all make concessions on our shopping lists. Most traits are negotiable, they are secondary, but some traits are not negotiable and are universal among men seeking a mate. These universal qualities are so crucial that they override all other traits on a man’s shopping list. Men do not know what it is intellectually that they need, but they do know intuitively. These universal traits are powerful!

Do you recall the cons who steal women’s hearts? They have mastered the art of projecting these universal traits which women need but are not cognizant of. Hopefully you will be dealing with Christian singles and not cons, but wolves do sometimes come in sheep’s clothing. We’ll be covering what exactly to watch for to spot a con later.

Your future mate may not have gotten what he thought he wanted on his shopping list when he chose you. But because you appealed to his deepest needs he will not regret his decision in choosing you instead of the blonde or redhead.

Do you recall reading the following old proverb, Christian singles:

“A man’s strength is his charm just as a woman’s charm is her strength.”-Havelock Ellis

A woman’s charm (or virtue) is her strength. Think on this statement just a moment, this is your first clue to the universal traits which a man intuitively seeks out in a mate. Gold diggers project this trait and many men fall for it because unfortunately in today’s culture charm (or grace) has been redefined by many to mean false beauty.  This is to stand the truth on it’s head!

“Beauty without grace is the hook without the bait.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

You may find that this brings to mind  starlets and pop-tarts who are pretty, but sadly live self-destructive lives, and who risk an eternal  future without our loving God. We must pray for them to come to the realization that life without a Savior is without true contentment and joy.

Charm can only come from within, it does not come from beauty or wit or even fine clothing. It’s fruits are goodness, humility, kindness, and wisdom. I don’t want to ruin anyone’s book sales on ten reasons why honesty and humility are passé in these modern times, but they are crucial in areas of romance and relationships. If you think that it does not take a strong woman to practice these then you probably have never tried them on for size.

All men, whether going through a Christian singles service such as this or not, are looking for virtue in their mate. Therein lies loyalty. Ladies if you falter on any area of virtue they will intuitively question your loyalty to them and the family. They need to feel secure in their relationship, they need assurance to build upon. Men don’t sit around and figure these things out like I just outlined; they know these things in their gut, they may not be emotional beings, but they know. Christian singles, I hope you are beginning to catch my drift that men and women understand each other very well, we need to acknowledge that fact.

Posted by Katherine on

Dreams Are The Engines of Success

dancer087Does your heart yearn to feel the joy this happy couple has found? Consider this:

Dear reader, when you go to bed at night in the still moments before sleep does your heart tend to take off on flights of fancy? This is your heart chasing it’s neglected desires. We are all guilty of suppressing that starving heart within. The day brings responsibilities, burdens, and disappointments which conspire to quench the hearts flame. We (even Christian singles) tend to lose heart and abandon our dreams. Is this you dear reader? What dreams have you abandoned? Does your heart still cry out at the end of the day to be heard?

Dreams are the engines of success in any endeavor whether it be romance, business, or happiness. Our aim ahead will be to restore your dream engine to it’s original condition and get you motivated and excited again. Life does not have to be dull, indeed it should not be dull. Let yourself live the heart’s adventure you’ve been aching for all your life.

Since you are still reading this, I will assume that you are interested in freeing yourself to love and dream as you were designed to.

Through the gathering chaos this single story of truth is striving to be told to an audience such as you, the Christian single. This is your key to the happiness which God has purposed for your life!

 

Love is something so divine, 

Description would make it less;

‘Tis what I feel, but can’t define

‘Tis what I know, but can’t express.- Beilby Porteus

All believers please note; It is supremely important that we as Christian singles and imperfect beings shed all of the negative hostilities that we may harbor one toward another, especially when it comes to issues between men and women. We must deal with imperfect people perfectly. We must forgive others for transgressions, insults, and injuries whether real or imagined. Why?

We forgive in the degree that we love.” – Rochefoucauld

We men and women of faith tend to think of forgiveness towards our enemies, but we should also forgive our friends, family, and spouses.  The 1989 movie, The War of the Roses, starring Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner, featured vicious attacks which drove that point home!

Without forgiveness the walls we have erected as a defense mechanism will never come down, and that dynamic love which we all desire will be forever beyond our grasp. By forgiving you have taken the first step in extending love towards one another.

If you can do this CONGRATULATIONS. You have just liberated yourself, you are FREE to love more deeply and take up your Christian singles quest with a clean heart.

You, dear Christian single, were charitable in the face of wrong done to you while they were yet undeserving. They never asked for your forgiveness, nor were they even aware of the personal pardon which you granted unconditionally. This is an act of unconditional love. You have it in you. Some fortunate soul will thank God for the privilege of your blessed hand one day.

Dear reader if you find yourself unable to forgive at this point in your life do not lose heart. For everything there is a time and a season. Our Lord will revisit those old wounds and give you the strength to overcome and wipe the slate of hurtful memories clean, for a bright new beginning. Trust in Him!

Posted by Katherine on

Supercharge Your Love Life With These Secrets!

NOTE TO CHRISTIAN SINGLES: Psychology has gotten some things right, but they are not the issue right now, you are.

Before we proceed any further in Christian dating advice, let me offer a brief synopsis of the profound information you will learn to apply towards achieving your most heartfelt desires. What you are about to learn is not like anything you have ever seen or heard before.

You will learn the secrets to dramatically change your life for good, Christian singles. Deeper and more passionate relationships will be yours with little effort. And you will have all of the tools necessary to succeed at any undertaking (not just romance) that you set your heart to.

First we must lay the foundation, and then we will discover astonishing secrets which have been hiding in plain sight until now.

One last note. Please visit our sponsors if you see anything that interests you. They all offer free trial memberships. This is what funds our Cherishmates Dating Service. Thank you!

Christian singles, whoever you are, whatever your circumstances you can have and should have the partner of your dreams. I’m going to re-coin an old phrase; There is a right someone for everyone. You may not think of yourself as being worthy of having that ideal companion. NONSENSE ! Ahead I will show you how these superficial barriers are being broken down all the time by people who are in worse circumstances than yourself. Put your faith to work.

How does a prison inmate behind bars who has nothing positive to bring into the relationship manage to successfully woo a targeted female? We’ve all seen countless stories in the media of women who fall in love with cons both behind bars and on the outside. Over the years tens of thousands of inmates have found partners as isolated as they are. Their victims truly believe that they have a powerful “love connection”, but the tragic truth is that they are being used, no, abused by con artists – sociopaths who know the secret of cracking the locks on peoples hearts and endearing themselves to those around them when it is expedient to their scheme.

While they are yet behind bars they wield almost absolute control over their victims. These cons do not love these women but they have somehow convinced them that they do. Please don’t think that I’m going to suggest anyone do the same, I simply wish to convey three significant points.

1. These cons are at a heavy disadvantage when it comes to finding a companion. If they can do it, so can you. (except yours will be genuine) And, they do not have the luxury of online dating the same as we do. Apply the principles ahead and you will succeed in “Christian dating online,” or any other dating forum.

2. These women were not (contrary to popular belief) looking to fall for a con. Many of these women are bright professionals who got caught up in the con game. It can happen to just about anyone. Wealthy men fall prey to gold diggers everyday. Whole nations can fall prey, consider pre-world war two Germany which was wooed by that madman and super con artist – Adolf Hitler. The German people were not looking to fall for a tyrant but fall they did, and hard. You will learn the signs so that you will never be the victim.

3. By knowing the powerful secrets exercised by these cons we can be and should be ever on the alert for those who would attempt to control us. Until now this mystery of their power to win the hearts of those around them has gone largely unidentified.

These principles and secrets may be applied positively not just in “Christian dating”, but in a wider dynamic range.

Now let’s proceed in restoring what the locusts have eaten in your life!

Posted by Katherine on

Stealth Dating:What Your Mother Never Told You!

Learn how to steal your loved one’s heart!

Have you heard the well-meaning but inaccurate advice that if you quit struggling to find someone, it will happen with no effort on your part? He or she will suddenly cross your path when you least expect it? So, too, could a truck, barreling through a stop light. Surely, a chance meeting like that has occurred for some singles, but how long do you have to wait before Mr. or Miss Right just happens to synchronize their timing with yours? A better way is available to you, Christian singles. You may have to respond to a few ads online, or receive a response from several singles who are answering your ad, before you find the right one for you. But while you are meeting new people, you are practicing for that ultimate encounter. While practicing, you will become more comfortable with online dating, and meeting new people on the net, some of whom you may remain friends with forever.

This might not be the case for a secular dating site, but after all, you will be meeting new Christian brothers and sisters, and the special bond we have with one another is powerful and spiritually fulfilling in itself.

If you wonder how much response you will receive from posting your first ad, one man was delighted, hearing from 35 women, over a period of 4 weeks. He had to wait about a week before any came in, but then every few days he found more responses over the next three weeks. Out of these respondents, he ended up talking on the phone with 5, and eventually made dates with two, one of whom he is still dating and they are interested in marriage. He was so busy with his windfall of responses, he said he forgot to check out the ads posted by women! This is not the usual course of events, as more often, men answer women’s ads first, but all’s well that ends well!

Women will get many more e-mails than men do because men still outnumber women in the online dating scene, but this is changing rapidly, as more women overcome their fear or discomfort with the whole idea of meeting men in this unorthodox way. Christian singles have the best chance of finding quality partners, as both male and female respondents are looking for lasting love and not a steady source of dates, with no commitment. As you well know, however, many people claim to be Christian, but their lives show no sign of Christ’s regeneration. They may be decent and respectable, but if their hearts are far from the Lord, you will not be able to share the deeper things of your faith, unless you can lead them to intimacy with God. This should be done before marriage, not afterward. Go into a relationship with your eyes wide open. Do not allow yourself to form a mental image of the ideal Christian mate, based only upon what he or she tells you.

Internet dating tends to give you the illusion of closeness, so you need to bear that in mind, and not put your hopes and dreams on the line, based only upon what you have learned about the person through e-mails and even phone calls. You can make the same mistake when you meet someone in person offline, so be all the more cautious, online. While you share e-mails, it is easy to become caught up in the excitement, leaving your powers of discrimination behind. Over time, after you meet, and your friends and family have a chance to meet your new friend, you will have more solid evidence to base your affections and plans for the future upon this particular person. Take your time!

Posted by Katherine on

Get Off The Couch, Pursue Your Dream Mate!

The best advice I’ve ever seen on finding a mate came from a magazine, geared toward women, but applicable to men also. The advice was: If you want to marry, approach the adventure with energy, a positive attitude, and determination. Christian singles, you must put as much gusto into your search for a great mate as you did with anything you have ever accomplished: such as finishing college, buying a new home, or whatever you have worked hard to achieve. This goes for guys searching for a soulmate out there too!  Don’t just sit around, waiting for the love of your life to come knocking on your door! You will probably get a visit from Publisher’s Clearing House before you find your dream date at your doorstep! Forget the fantasies, and get to work. Instead, apply for a free membership and look the online dating service over. (you can click on ads here to get information, to get the ball rolling.)  Have in mind a list of the qualities you are looking for, and read the profiles available. Don’t stop there, but put together your own profile, after you have studied our tips for writing a great personal ad.  Be sure to include a recent photo of yourself, because it has been estimated that personal ads  that do not include a photo are only responded to by 8% to10% of the singles.

Online Dating Experiences Others Have Reported:

Angie, a non Christian, is about 55 years old. After her beloved husband died of cancer, she was alone and thought she had no reason to go on, but she had a friend who encouraged her to try online dating. She started, many months after losing her mate of 30 years. At first it was difficult, because she wasn’t used to relating to men as suitors, and she found it was very different communicating with them, after so many years of talking to the same man, with whom she shared many interests, and two children. She didn’t feel comfortable in replying to men’s personal ads, so she waited for responses to hers.

Hearing that there are dishonest people in the internet dating scene, Angie planned to check out the men who responded to her personal ad. She browsed through the services that give information about people and decided on Net Detective, where she could find a person’s name, address, phone number and age, and this also indicated whether the man was married. For a larger fee, she could find information about him, such as if he had ever been arrested, etc. She chose the premium service, and it came in handy, as she met many who were not what they professed to be. Fortunately, most of her dates were decent men. Since she lives in a city of over 1 million people, she did not correspond with men far away, but found many singles near home. Angie never gave them her address or last name until she felt comfortable doing so, and they were given her cell phone number, which could not be traced to her home. As you can see, Angie was very cautious. Soon she got responses, and went through the usual period of getting to know the ones who interested her. Then she began dating. On first dates, she and her date decided on a place to meet, and she drove herself to and from these restaurants which were busy, with plenty of people around. Angie felt that “there’s safety in numbers” so this was ideal for her peace of mind. Most of the men, though, did not stir up the “chemistry” she was looking for, although many were attractive and had good personalities.

After two years, she has not yet met a man she would like to spend the rest of her life with, but she doesn’t regret the time spent getting to know them. One that really attracted her, unfortunately had an addiction to alcohol, and when she found out, she broke off the relationship. Angie isn’t desperate to marry because she still compares these men to her late husband, and none measures up to her memory of him. One ugly experience was a particular dinner date when the man’s girlfriend appeared and an embarrassing feud erupted, with astonished diners gaping at the threesome. This was too much for Angie, and she left before the main course was served. She never heard from the man again, but she didn’t miss him. Such is life, when dating people from a secular dating service. This is not to say, Christian singles, that everyone listed in a Christian dating service will be perfect. However, if they are sincere about their faith, they will be looking for real love and commitment. Your patience in a long courtship will help you discern any problems before you have said, “I do” and if you do not marry in haste, you will not repent in leisure.

Posted by Katherine on

Avoid Flakes, Con artists With Secret Weapon

Don’t you feel sorry, Christian Singles,  for the poor souls trying to make a love connection on secular dating sites? These sites draw the most creeps, jerks, flakes and con artists, by far! This illustrates very clearly how fortunate we are that our Lord carefully defined for us what a Christian man or woman is all about! And for the same reason that the above mentioned creeps, etc., will generally stick up their noses at Christian online dating, your Christian brothers and sisters will embrace it, our secret weapon! We, after all, have read the same rule book, the Bible, and we go into a relationship, understanding we both will play by the same rules. We know the Lord expects us to be truthful, kind, and without guile. 

Your primary challenge will be to find a Christian date who has the same standards of conduct that you have, and who experiences intimacy with God as deeply as you do. As you know, Christians are quite varied, some just coming into the faith, and some far more mature in the deeper things of God. Of course the newly transformed believer can grow under the influence of a more seasoned believer, so if you meet one, and they are open and eager to grow in the Lord, that isn’t necessarily a stumbling block. It just means you will need to take time to help them grow. Once they discover the wonders of a close, personal relationship with God and feel His love and power flowing through them, they will be on fire, too!

In the adventure called Christian singles online dating, you will discover a virtual smorgasbord of characters, funny, creative, enthusiastic, intelligent, inspiring, caring, and thoughtful. You can bring out the best in them by complimenting them about aspects of their personality you admire. Everyone likes to know when they have inspired admiration, and it will please them all the more when they feel at ease with someone who obviously appreciates what they have to say. Be an encourager, lift their spirits, make them feel special. Also be prepared to share in their times of trouble, offering consoling words, a prayer, and words of hope for the future.

Posted by Katherine on

Young Singles Embrace Online Dating

The mad scientist below has it all wrong, he needs Cherishmates guide to finding love. There are no magic potions or formulas to becoming what you desire. You must – Esto qou audes- Be what you dare.
The mad scientist has it wrong

The mad scientist has it wrong

Younger single Christians are turning to the net in search of a lifetime partner, and many are finding one. Linda, a divorced mother with a young son, found a loving husband and father through an ad she placed online. She lived in a farming community, where few Christian single men were to be found. She was happy to move to his home in a state 300 miles away. You may remember a few years ago, when farmers in a Midwest state were advertising for women to marry them, because so many female singles were leaving to find careers in the big city. Since it takes a special kind of woman to feel comfortable living in a remote area, far from neighbors, together with long arduous hours feeding livestock, planting and harvesting, these farmers were desperate. Perhaps some of them eventually turned to online dating, since not all found wives, despite heavy media coverage.

But, as you all know, there is someone for everyone, and internet dating services can best bring two people together who would never have met, otherwise. Church singles groups can help, but have only a limited selection of available Christian singles. If you can afford a vacation through an organization like Club Med, that might be the answer, but I don’t know if there are any catering to Christian singles, and you have the same problem of face- to- face meetings, and the shyness that promotes. Personal ads in magazines and newspapers are not screened at all. Maybe it’s a case of “you get what you pay for” but if the service is too cheap, you may not find the quality people you are looking for.

Posted by Katherine on

Netiquette And Tips On First E-mail

E-mail Etiquette For Christian Singles’ Online Dating

E-mail etiquette is called netiquette on the internet. There are only a few rules that apply to your online dating correspondence. Generally, all e-mail should be as polite and respectful, as your conversations are, offline. Be careful with humor, and be sure it will not be taken as an insult or put down. Use a smiley face or a comment like “just kidding” or to indicate that you meant no insult. After all, the person reading it cannot look clues, for an expression on your face, tone of voice, or a gesture, to show that you are not being sarcastic. While most e-mails are informal, it is wise to put your best foot forward since you are trying to make a good impression.

Do not consider your e-mail private. Always realize that others may read what you thought only your Christian Cherishmate would see. If you live with a family or have roommates, they may snoop while you are out, to see how the romance is moving along. One young woman was furious when her younger brother made copies of an e-mail she received, and shared all the mushy stuff and personal secrets with friends!

Using all capital letters is considered “shouting” so keep it to a minimum. You can capitalize a word or phrase to emphasize it, or use bold type, or underline it. Reading text in capital letters is also a strain on the eyes, and some readers are not used to it, so it will take them longer to read it.

It’s hardly worth mentioning two other breaches of netiquette, since I’m sure Christian singles would never be guilty of this rude behavior: Flaming means an abusive outraged attack. No one likes to be “Flamed” or hear excessive outrage about others, either. Your new lady love will not be favorably impressed by flaming, nor will a gentleman overlook such uncouth behavior. Another breach in netiquette is to talk suggestively in e-mail or instant messaging, using coarse language. This just indicates that you have no respect for the person you are writing to, and it also indicates that you are not serious about your Christian walk. No doubt, 99% of you Christian singles just read this paragraph for nothing! Sorry about that! I knew you didn’t need it! But that 1% might have needed it, and they know who they are!

When writing your first e-mail to a prospective Christian date, you can either begin with a breezy Hi!, or the usual salutation, Dear. And in closing, you could use the old standard, Sincerely, or even Love, especially if you follow it with “Your sister in Christ” or another comment, since, after all, we all are FAMILY, right? As I mentioned before, we share a unique relationship as Christian brothers and sisters, so we do not need to be as formal as we would be with others. The main idea is to sound warm and welcoming, without being outrageously too “familiar” in your first e-mail. Later you both may want to instant message each other, but don’t agree if you’re not ready for it. Your new friend will know when you are online and might continually interrupt whatever you are doing. Besides, e-mail allows you to give the impression that you have a life, (outside waiting for his or her response,) and the anticipation for him or her of receiving your next e-mail will be increased if you are not instantly available at all times. The time will come when you both know this is more than a casual friendship, then instant messaging will probably become essential!

Posted by Katherine on

Use Discernment, Christian Singles

Attractive men, but they might be cyber-lizards! Caution Ladies

Attractive men, but they might be cyber-lizards! Caution Ladies

Another obvious Christian singles’ dating disaster is what I call the “Cyber-Lizard” (borrowed from the term Lounge Lizard, a ne’er do well, who just slithers along, looking for some entertainment, at your expense.) The Cyber-Lizard is usually male, but there are a few female Cyber Lizards out there, too, so men, be forewarned. They have no intention of finding a mate, Christian singles; they just want some attention and they don’t mind wasting hours of your time. They probably spam several men or women at once with the same form letter, just changing the salutation. It might be hard to spot them at first, but you should see a pattern emerge. They won’t be very interested in your views, opinions, or dreams, and probably won’t remember what you said in a previous e-mail! They will prove to be just as lukewarm about the Lord, too, which should send you packing! They probably won’t seem eager to meet, but would rather prolong the cyber-relationship forever.

Like the Cyber-Lizard, the Raunchy-mouthed Recluse uses chat rooms and personals ads just to while away their time. They are generally unemployed, possibly on the dole. In other words, they have a lot of time on their hands. This may be their only social outlet, and more than likely, their parents are happy to pay for their use of dating and friendship services, since it keeps them busy and out of their hair. It isn’t a crime to waste another’s time, so the family thinks they have solved their problems when the Recluse finds online diversions that keep him or her occupied. Christian singles, you can spot the Recluse by the language they use. If they are vulgar, report them to the dating service at once so they can be removed from the list. They will not be bright, but will communicate at about a 6th grade level. If you ever wondered who would send vulgar e-mails, this is it! Picture them, unkempt, hair matted, and dirty. Loners, due to their own laziness. Some of the potty mouths are obnoxious under-achievers, mad at the world and want to tell everyone off. They are incapable of communicating intelligently. Their interests will seem juvenile, because they are. I’m sure you will catch on to them early, so they should only be a momentary irritation. There are other cyber-pests looking for trusting singles, and you should become aware of con artists who prowl the dating sites looking for prey.

Now that Seniors are entering the internet dating scene, there is another class of cyber-pests that seniors (and others) need to watch for; the con artist. Of course, con artists ply their trade offline too. An example of offline con artists: A 95 year old man who has escaped the Grim Reaper despite many surgeries and illnesses, is discovering that many women (and a few relatives he hasn’t seen in 50 years) suddenly recall that he promised to take care of them in his will. Some have even retained an attorney to fight for their share of his rather modest estate. Luckily for him, though most of his body parts hardly function, his mind is sharp, and he is determined to fight them. There are many other crooks trying to fleece seniors off line too, such as companies who over charge older customers, and relatives who move in to “take care” of their loved one. Please, Christian seniors, take the advice IN CAPS below and you will not be taken advantage of by these mooches. Generally, they try to stay within the law, and few are dangerous.

Con artists are looking for someone who is an easy target. Seniors, be on the lookout for this type because there are many elderly with meager pensions, and many younger men and women who are looking for a meal ticket, too. Of course, many seniors, male and female, are in the same boat- without a comfortable pension, but you can tell the honest ones from the cons, because the honest ones will want to marry, and they will not pressure you about changing your will or ask about your property or savings. LET THEM KNOW THAT YOU HAVE LEFT EVERYTHING YOU OWN TO YOUR CHILDREN, INCLUDING YOUR HOME, AND SEE IF THEY LOSE INTEREST. If they do, you will know they had an ulterior motive. But remember, senior Christian singles, the vast majority of seniors who join a dating service are sincere people, who are tired of living alone, and they have so much to share with you, a lifetime of knowledge and experience. Some seniors would be willing to move to your locality should you make a love connection. You should find out, early on, if they really are willing to move, if you are not able or willing to leave your own home, family, and friends. This will save some heartache later, when you fall in love, but neither of you can leave your home town, for whatever reason. It would be wise to search for Christian singles in your area first, if you are not willing to move. Our service makes that easy for you, because our singles are listed by country state, county, city. If you do want to meet an interesting single from another state though, it’s always best to be upfront and honest, right from the beginning. After all, there are multitudes of Christian singles to choose from, and eventually you will meet someone just right for you. Every day new prospective mates join the Christian dating service, so keep watching for someone who fits your “wish list.” Of course, that said, you might want to see if you are willing to make exceptions to your wish list, if a person is perfect for you in many other ways. Flexibility is wise, so that you do not pass up a wonderful person.

Statistics show that the senior dating market is larger than ever before, because over 40 % of seniors are now single. Perhaps divorce is the reason this is so because years ago, people stayed married no matter what their marital problems were. Seniors are also living longer, too, and most try to stay fit and healthy. So there’s a vast number of senior Christian singles out there, and many are now looking for love, online.

Posted by Katherine on

The Great Equalizer: Online Christian Dating

Christian dating online is a great equalizer, because women can answer a man’s ad without feeling they are too forward. It isn’t like asking a man for a date, offline. You are just saying, by responding to his ad, that he is interesting and you would like to know him better, to become friends, as well as sister and brother in Christ. Of course, ladies, you may choose to place your ad and photo and let the men approach you first. Christian singles, you have a great advantage over secular folks trying to find a love connection! You don’t have to put up a front, or pretend to be more witty, intelligent, “cool” or anything you might think he or she is looking for! Your correspondent is primarily interested in the kind of person you are, and in your love relationship with the Lord, because none of you want to be unequally yoked, falling in love with a person who does not feel the way you do about your mutual faith.

Christian online dating is also an equalizer for single men because they won’t experience the pressure many feel dating offline. They can be themselves, relaxed, and not worry about first impressions, or being compared with other guys, or pressured to spend a lot to impress a date. The shy among them will be able to come out of their shells, and gain confidence as they correspond with women and find those who will want to know them better.

Use discernment, Christian Singles! If you find a promising, although budding relationship online, please leave those rose-colored glasses in the drawer, and be emotionally prepared to guard your heart. It is so easy for vulnerable singles to read too much into those first tentative e-mails. Decide to consider this new friendship only as one possibility, and another single may be much more suitable and fulfilling. And please reserve your decisions about them until you have met their family and friends. This will protect you from a dating disaster!

Find out if they have emotional problems, are addicted, have poor work histories, and especially if they avoid telling you about their past. There are some red flags to watch out for, such as not letting you call them at home. Many cheating, married online dating subscribers will only give you a cell phone number, or their work number. If you do not realize they are married and you arrange to meet them for dinner, they may choose a restaurant that is far away from town, hoping no one will see you there. This is a problem on secular sites, but should not be a danger at Christian sites, obviously since married men and women who are believers would not, and could not, be that devious and sinful. (God’s laws are for our protection!) If subscribers to this dating service misbehave, or use vulgar language, any complaints about them will result in expulsion from our dating service if found true. Nevertheless, some people have stellar records, with no red flags, and yet they turn out to be frauds. A small minority of jerks can be found even on a Christian dating service, and sometimes people who have indiscernible mental disorders such as Narcissism or Borderline Personality Disorder, will search for dates online. These horrifying Personality Disorders will be covered in future articles, because you must arm yourself with knowledge of the warning signs, and unlikely resolution of the disorder In “Narcissism: I love me, I love me not” you will learn that people with personality disorders usually stay within the law, yet they devastate the lives of spouses and children. Be very careful not to ignore the signs, for you will not be able to change them! Their emotional illness runs deep, and all the love in the world will not stop their verbal and/or physical abuse. However, they appear to be normal, well adjusted people, so it is imperative that you spot the warning signs. Men outnumber women 3 to 1 in the personality disorder called Malignant Narcissism. Women outnumber men 2 to1 in Borderline Personality Disorder. Luckily for the rest of us, they are only a small fraction of the population, but I want to forewarn you, because they appear to be happy, playful, engaging singles when you first meet them. Many mentally disturbed people who appear to be normal also are in a great hurry to marry. From experience, they have learned that potential mates soon leave when they know them better. So, dear brother and sister, beware!