Loneliness Can Be A Springboard

Some think loneliness and poverty go hand in hand, but loneliness is present in the most privileged positions. Princess Diana was said to be lonely, living in luxury, but feeling unwanted, though people around the world greatly admired her. The lonely souls in poverty just have more to deal with, like how they will feed and provide for themselves and their children. Neighborhood self-help groups, church outreaches, and free group therapy sessions may give them the help they need to get back on their feet. This should be a priority for Christian singles and all others who are plagued by loneliness and depression. First turn to help others. In fact, when we reach out to others, we forget about our own troubles and focus instead on uplifting them, thereby, helping each other. We can visit lonely neighbors, especially seniors, or make it a habit to speak a warm, encouraging word to a shy person, or witness for our Savior, letting others know He is ready and able to help them. Build their hope by letting them know He is so warm and loving, and it doesn’t matter what we’ve done, for our Beloved Lord has already paid for all sins, past, present, and future on the cross. In fact, they have already been paid in full. All we have to do is reach out and gratefully accept His free gift! He did not come to the Earth to condemn it, but to save it!

You may have heard that babies who are not held and touched develop a “failure to thrive syndrome” and may die as a result. The elderly have the same need. If you have a grandmother, one of the nicest things you could do for her is hug her, and ask if you could rub her back or brush her hair, like you did when you were little. Remind her of happy times when you both were younger and when she generously lavished attention on you and gave you unconditional love. If she was like most grandmas and grandpas she was rarely too busy or tired to do something special with you.

Dag Hammerskjold advised that you “Pray that your loneliness will spur you into finding something to live for, great enough to die for.” Well, finding something to live for and great enough to die for is a ‘no brainer’ for the Christian single! A hurting world is just outside the door, waiting to be helped, encouraged and introduced to our Savior, who promises to stick closer than a brother and His offer is open to anyone, whosoever will may come to Him and will never be cast out. Even as we struggle to overcome our own loneliness, the Lord will give us the strength to reach out to a lonely neighbor or co-worker and this will lift up our own spirits, as we help someone else along the way.

Lonely, battered women find solace in shelters where they can talk with their sisters in group therapy. Then they can begin to mend their broken lives and find friends and new hope for themselves and their children. We should not be impatient if they cannot sever ties with their abusive mate right away, but try to understand that their minds have undergone powerful manipulation, and their value denigrated. Keep them and their children in your prayers.

According to psychologist Jerry Greenwald, “We all respond to those who are nourishing, and genuinely nourishing people will not be lonely” How true it is that the more we help and console others, the better we feel, too.

Well, sweet Christian brothers and sisters, as you let the above encouragement help you see that there definitely is a way out of your ‘time of trouble’, relax awhile and prepare for your coach’s dose of happiness and laughter. Let me tickle your funny bone! And allow Mark Twain’s observation help you to get perspective. “I’ve been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened!”

“Love can sweep you off your feet and carry you along in a way you’ve never known before. But it always ends and you end up feeling bitter. Wait! It’s not love I’m describing. I’m thinking of a monorail.” Jack Handey

The devil visited a lawyer’s office and made him an offer. “I can arrange some things for you” the devil said. “I’ll increase your income five-fold. Your partners will love you; your clients will respect you; you’ll have four months of vacation each year and live to be a hundred. All I require in return is your soul.” The lawyer thought for a moment. “What’s the catch?”, he asked.

Christian singles – What is the oldest profession?

A physician, an engineer and an attorney were discussing who among them belonged to the oldest of the three professions represented .The physician said, “Remember, on the sixth day God took a rib from Adam and fashioned Eve, making Him the first surgeon. Therefore, medicine is the oldest profession.”

The engineer replied, “But, before that, God created the heavens and earth from chaos and confusion, and thus, He was the first engineer. Therefore, engineering is an older profession than medicine.”

Then the lawyer spoke up. “Yes”, he said, “But who do you think created all the chaos and confusion?”

——————————————————————————–

A doctor of psychology was doing his normal rounds when he entered a patient’s room. He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half.

Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet.

The doctor asked patient #1 what he was doing. The patient replied, “can’t you see, I’m sawing this piece of wood in half?” The doctor inquired of patient #1

what patient #2 was doing. Patient #1 replied, “Oh, he’s my friend, but he’s a little crazy. He thinks he’s a light bulb.” The doctor looks up and notices Patient #2’s face is going all red.

The doctor asks patient #1, “If he’s your friend, you should get him down from there before he hurts himself.”

Patient #1 replies, “What, and work in the dark?”

Loneliness Hides Behind Depression

Loneliness doesn’t come to the doctor, presenting itself; it comes as a more socially acceptable issue, such as depression, anger or addiction. Christian Singles, some people are ashamed to admit they are lonely, but they shouldn’t be. They feel there must be something unacceptable, unattractive or something wrong with them or they would attract others to them. We will unmask the real culprit later, and it won’t be physical appearance, social status, or education, because we all know of people who are lacking in those areas and still have plenty of love and friends in their lives. We MUST understand the savage hold of the enemy of our souls before we can be set free, so please take to heart these observations so you will have all the ammunition you need to conquer fears, misperceptions, old hurt from unkind people long ago, and present feelings of hopelessness. Step by step you will see that we are actually fighting a paper tiger whose main advantage is deception and the ability to make you believe the worst, instead of believing in a bright and happy future, available to you through faith in Christ and His power to change things for your benefit.

Men deal with loneliness differently than women. First, they don’t seem to bond with men as easily or quickly as women do with each other. Hollywood idolizes the Lone Ranger hero who is strong and self-reliant. Unless men are thrown together as in war, where their lives are in their comrade’s hands, they tend to have only superficial male relationships. Here is a true story of a family member’s military experience that so aptly illustrates this:

“I recall when I was in the Army an old First Sergeant told me “You will never know other men like you do now.” He went on to explain that most of a man’s life is spent with his wife, children, family, and job. Outside of the Army you don’t really get to know other men. Here you depend upon each other for survival, and you spend long hours working together to accomplish difficult tasks which are rarely paralleled on the outside. I was in the 82nd Airborne Division, and we spent about eight months of the year gone in the field, to all parts of the world. Being in the infantry we worked together in very close conditions, in fox holes, and crammed together like sardines in aircraft headed to our next mission.

On missions we depended upon the guy behind us to check our gear pre-jump, one small mistake, such as a misrouted static line around your equipment and you could crash and burn. We spent many hours planning and preparing missions and equipment together not to mention executing the missions.

With all of this interaction I never felt lonely. There were times I was exhausted, bored, nervous, or even homesick, but never lonely.

I can still remember the men I served with twenty years ago very clearly. My memory of people I’ve worked with in the past five years is not nearly as strong. The old First Sergeant was right. Now I spend little time (comparatively) with other men.

Now getting back to business. The point of my personal story above is that spending time with and depending upon others in any community brings a certain “Esprit De Corps” or strong sense of belonging and responsibility to a group much bigger than yourself. The people of 200 years ago also had relationships at their best. They forged deep lifelong and loyal friendships. They knew how necessary their friends and family were to them, and even though they could not pick up a phone and talk to their loved ones as we can, they wrote long letters, so touching and eloquent, many have been saved and cherished through generations. This is not to say, Christian singles, that we don’t have a great advantage today, online and off, with all the instant ways of connecting, for surely we can hear our loved ones voices whenever we wish. But still, let us build those abiding and trusting relationships of yesteryear, and ones like the old Sergeant described. This is the real stuff of life, with, most importantly, a deep love for our Savior.” Bonding into strong family units and friendships might require getting rid of some habits and time wasters and spending more time with loved ones. Researching our time spent on video games, television, and other solitary habits and addictions, could reveal many free hours which could revolutionize our lives! Why not demand more of life?

What does this mean for you? A more excellent way of life rich with rewards. An old poem declares:

I labored for a menials hire,
Only to learn dismayed,
That any wage I would have asked of life,
Life would have gladly paid.- J. B. Rittenhouse

If you, dear reader desire splendid relationships full of warmth, happiness, and passion life will be glad to pay you that wage. Life is all about people, there is nothing else except things. These are not tools to manipulate others but are best used to establish deeper and more rewarding relations with people.

The Lord has purposed that we should have life and love more abundantly:

John 10:10 “The thief cometh not, but for to steal and to kill and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.”

God says that you can have these things, what has been holding you back? Certainly not God.

The five levels of non-verbal communications

The five levels of non-verbal communications: What your hair style says about you and what you want it to say. We can examine hair styles from years gone by to the present to understand the timeless attraction of our Crowning Glory.

Clean cut and well groomed hair is a sign of health, hygiene and social status. These people really care about social norms. Christian online daters note, sociopaths will usually take on this look because they know it is trusted.

Proctor and Gamble commissioned a study at Yale University in 2000 on the opposite sex’s perceptions of hair styles and here’s what they found.

For women’s hair styles;

1. Short, tousled hair conveys confidence and an outgoing personality, but ranks low in sexual attractiveness.

2. Medium length hair suggests intelligence and a good nature.

3. Long straight blonde hair projects sexuality and affluence.

4. Long hair in general accents the lips and eyes, removes jaw and brow features to soften the face. Out of all the hair styles going this makes women most attractive to men. The feminine features do not conflict with the stronger bony features of the face.

Have you ever noticed that men will stop and look at a woman with very long hair even if she has her back to them? Men tend to assume that she is attractive, though she may not necessarily be so.

For men’s hair styles;

1. Short front flip – Confident, sexy and self-centered.

2. Medium length side parted – Intelligence, affluence and narrow minded

3. Long – All brawn and no brains. Careless and good-natured.

4. Short military – Shows power by exposing the bony features of the face. All military hair codes require this cut, for the well understood reason that they look more fierce. It is not a coincidence that military codes worldwide require their soldiers to wear their hair in this manner. The military’s job is to kill people, not be politically correct.

Christian singles there you have it, take this information and use it to help you in your selection process. Now let us proceed on to the next level of non-verbal communications.

Now let’s consider what those all important silent messages might convey. Does your smile light up a room? Do you know how to signal to the opposite sex that you want to meet them, and learn more about them? Stay tuned, Christian singles!

The five levels of non-verbal communications; CherishMates exclusive report.

Christian singles note; The second level of non-verbal communications is:

2. The recognition – This is the springboard phase. At this point in the encounter we begin (If we are interested) to give them non-verbal signs to communicate our intentions. The signs are; flirtations, smiling, neck dimple, body alignment, self-touching, and clothing adjustment. We will trade gestures to tell each other almost subliminally to come closer until we touch. What are these common springboard gestures? They are;

· Smile- Have you ever noticed that when someone smiles or laughs in a crowd that those around them will usually mirror the same emotion? This phenomenon is called motorized empathy. When someone is happy, sad, or grieved we tend to take these attitudes as well especially if we are close to the person who is happy or sad. This is why it is said that a smile is contagious.

Smiles are especially contagious with those whom we are close to or wish to be close to. If she likes you she will usually laugh when you laugh. She is saying I wish to be a part of you. Of course, motorized empathy works on many different levels other than explained above. We may yawn when others do, or mirror facial expressions. We especially do this with children. Why? Because we understand that their knowledge of human behavior is not yet formed, and we are teaching them to be empathetic.

If he smiles with you it is a good bet that he is interested or at least not repulsed by you.

· Body alignment – If their body is squared to yours then of course they are giving due attention to you. But if they begin to mirror your posture and stance then it should be understood that they feel at ease and friendly toward you. Just another way of communicating our desire to proceed to deeper relations. Just ahead in the CherishMates Dating primer we will be discussing the neck dimple, don’t miss it!

The five levels of non-verbal communications

· Neck dimple – The most tender and vulnerable part of the body just above the collar bone and below the trachea. If it is exposed it signals a willingness to be vulnerable to the world. Military uniforms cover this area as do business suits (ties) to display strength and authority. A covered neck dimple tells all to stay back unless I say so. Throat bearing is a sign of submission throughout the animal kingdom.

Christian singles (women) if you are out on a date and he is wearing a tie and he doesn’t ever loosen it during the evening he is giving a signal that he is not ready to expose his vulnerable side yet. If on the other hand he loosens his tie this is an off handed flirt, a solicitation. Have you ever noticed that when a very attractive woman walks by a group of business men that it is common for the men to grab the knot of their tie? Why do they do this? They are subconsciously saying “I wish I could get closer-more intimate with her.”

People in general, and especially women will touch or pat this area during times of distress. The clear message is that they wish to retreat from the unfortunate circumstance and reduce their vulnerability. If you are out on a date and a bad scene erupts and she touches this area get her out of there. If you are the cause of her touching this area, then you will know the sign and be aware of her true feelings.

· Flirting – Overt flirting is an art and we are all pretty good at reading the signs without much problem, but the majority of flirtations are covert and not so easily discerned. So, ahead we will explore the signs that he or she likes you.

Signs that she likes you –

She gazes in your eyes, pupils dilated.

Her skin becomes reddish or flushed.

Her vocal intonations reflect yours.

She touches her cheek.

She winks at you.

She lightly bits her lips, shows her tongue, or touches her front teeth with her index finger.

Her sitting posture is straight with muscles firm.

She laughs with you.

She twirls her hair while looking at you.

Signs that he likes you –

He gazes in your eyes, pupils dilated.

His gaze fixates on your lips as though a kiss were eminent.

His eyes wander around your face, and then back to a gaze.

He studies you.

His neck dimple is fully exposed.

Christian singles, other interesting aspects of the second level of nonverbal communications will be discussed ahead.

The five levels of non-verbal communications, by CherishMates

All About Shoes:

1. Dominant – Thick soled, wide, heavy boots accent the size of the foot and it’s ability to stomp. (Aggression) These boots may be Doc Martens, Combat boots (worn world wide by the military), Jack Boots (worn by enforcement agents), Engineer Boots (worn by bikers) and Cowboy boots. The purpose of these boots is to add stature and steadiness. They are a sign of authority-they say don’t mess with me or you’ll get stomped. Stomping is a universal sign of aggression. A study done by Eibl-Eibsfeldt 1971:12 showed that even blind and deaf children stomp their feet in defiant anger. And the song “These Boots Are Made For Walking” by Nancy Sinatra echoes this fact where the lyrics state-“one of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you.” You will probably not be able to see the footwear of someone in a Christian dating ad, but eventually you will see what they wear on a regular basis.

Christian singles it should come as no surprise that militant groups such as the Skin Heads and Nazis chose to wear boots as a unique sign of power.

2. Neutral – This type of shoe doesn’t make any brash statements and is neither masculine nor feminine. Penny loafers, Hush Puppies etc. are made for comfort not stomping and are not suitable for the socially ambitious.

3. Submissive – Lightweight upper construction with thin sides slight trim and flourishes are the hallmarks of these shoes. Loafers and Beatle boots are a few examples. They downplay the size of the foot and it’s bluntness.

Men – Women generally love boots (on a man), but not necessarily the militant styles. Fashion Trainer John Malloy found that women consider men in cowboy boots more attractive than ordinary shoes.

Women – Your shoes have a whole different story. Cultures around the world recognize the strong connection between all phases of womanhood and the shoe.

The five levels of non-verbal communications by CherishMates

Cinderella Shoes – Speak of the desire most women have for a story book romance with happy ever after endings. For the young lady of marrying age.

The ruby slippers of Wizard of Oz fame are the central object of magical adventures. For the female child.

The Old Woman who Lived in a Shoe. For the elderly women.

We have cultural connections with shoes in ceremonies. Shoes are tied to the back of the wedding car, drank from at weddings, and saved from youth.

Women’s shoes are designed to accentuate the various parts of the anatomy and make a woman more attractive. This makes women’s shoes different than all others.

All other shoes have a utilitarian purpose, but the women’s high heel is pure cultural vanity. Christian singles sorry for the lack of PC here, but many women have fallen prey to it’s mean designs.

The higher the heel the more cultural vanity yields it’s punishment on the victim. While it is stylish and expected it is not absolutely necessary. Don’t give her a demerit if she doesn’t show up in high heels for your first date, though. She may be a bit tall, and might not want to tower over her online beau, or she may be more comfortable in lower heels. Also, not knowing how much walking will be involved, she may opt for more practical shoes.

Well gang, shall we move on the the all important topic, hair or lack thereof? Did you see how Phil Spector looked without his wigs, now that he is in prison? The top of his head is bald. Remember the bushy wig, reminiscent of those Halloween wigs? Now that I have hopefully whetted your appetite for a great overview of hair and what role it plays in dating, please take a moment out to enjoy some humor. As you know, “A merry heart doeth good, like a medicine.” So let’s take a swig of chuckles I promise it will go down more easily than Cod Liver Oil, the most disgusting medicine on the planet! Enjoy!

Deep in the Amazon jungle, the “Great White Hunter” happened upon a village of cannibals. Wanting to make a good impression, the hunter was gratified to receive a warm welcome from one of the village elders, who gazed intently at him. In his best dialect, the hunter asked who he was. “I’m the meat inspector,” he replied!

The five levels of non-verbal communications

The intricacies of non-verbal gestures and communications are incredibly complex in their structure and lexicon. The subjects have been studied by thousands of researchers since history began. Much is known and much is still conjecture. The aim of this CherishMates primer is to rightly divide the truth from the lie. There are multitudes of wild conjectures out there masquerading as “theories.” Hopefully this will help you sort through all of the analytical hype and psycho-bloviating. The following is what is known to be true.

Christian men and women, be sure to study this section carefully, for it will give you a glimpse into the engaging single person you have met online or offline. You will be clued into their mannerisms, appearance, habits and more, and you can see for yourself if their unspoken “word” matches their spoken word, if they are in sync. I will also help you discern natural nervousness from character flaws.

1. The Encounter – Whatever the location, in the supermarket or workplace we may encounter someone we are attracted to. The initial cursory signs we may read at this point are;

Eye Contact – At longer distances we may see one another doing the “Sweep.” This is where a man looks at a prospective mate and sweeps across the room, not usually making eye contact at first. He is testing her willingness to be looked at. She in turn knows that the ball is now in her court and responds with looking back if interested or turning away if she is not. If she is receptive she may catch your gaze for a moment. This gentlemen, is your first clue. In closer quarters pupil dilation is another give away that she is interested in you. Ladies this goes for the men as well. This is a reflex and cannot be faked, except for the use of Belladonna. (Please note: WE DO NOT SUGGEST YOU TRY BELLADONNA!  Always ask your doctor before trying supplements or other substances, as many of them have unknown side effects, or react dangerously with medications. Please keep your Temple safe and healthy, Christian singles!  In Europe women used Belladonna (an extract of the nightshade family) to artificially dilate their eyes to appear more seductive to men. Pupil dilation is a blatant come hither sign, but hard to read from more than five feet away. Caution : Some drugs used today (illicit narcotics) have the same effect. Policemen are trained to read pupil dilations and have their work cut out for them trying to determine who is on drugs and who is interested in them. A frustrating job!

“It is just as important to listen to someone with your eyes as it is with your ears.”- Bell Gold

The eyes clue others about emotions. The fixed stare can signal intensity of fear, romantic interest, or aggression.

Middle ground eye contact signals interest, secure, at ease.

Christian singles note – Little eye contact shows shyness, submissive, evasive, arrogance, and or nervousness.

Body Adornment and accessories.

Sunglasses – May be worn inappropriately. When worn on a date, and the sun is not an issue, this shows lack of communication skills.

Jewelry – Large amounts of gaudy jewelry show insecurity.

Tattoos and piercings – Earthiness. Some Christians have left over tattoos and piercings from their old life, so take this into consideration. Note that some Christian singles practice tattoos and piercings.

Nails – Bitten and uneven nails betray extreme (usually hidden) tension. Well manicured and clean nails show harmony and contact with the civilized world. Dirty nails may tell of job or hobbies also. On a date, especially the first date, the nails should be clean.

Posture – Good posture conveys strength, confidence, and openness. Poor posture such as stooped shows the opposite of the aforementioned.

Clothing – Obviously when dating people will wear clothes that reflect their identities. Cowboys may wear their boots and hats, businessmen may wear dressy shirts with ties, and blue collar workers may wear flannels and 501’s. Much may be learned about someone by the clothes they wear. The clothes may not necessarily make the man, but they do tell of status, attitudes, social affiliations, ethnicity, and gender. When out in public to be seen people wear their clothes like a billboard. This is not to be confused with the casual wear worn for pure comfort what are sometimes referred to as bum around clothes. The following is a list of prominent social categories advertised by clothing.

Biker  Gothic  Gangsta  Cowboy  Soccer mom  Blue collar
Yuppie  Homeless  Business
Elitist  Nerd  Nascar

There are many more categories, the point is to be aware of who and what you are dealing with. You may not chose to associate with some of the above groups when dating. When viewing Christian dating service photos look at what they are wearing. The photo and the clothes are an ad in themselves.

Shoes – We have sayings such as when someone is “well heeled” (or affluent) which tell much about a people and their social relationships with shoes.

“Shoes hold the key to human identity.” – Sonja Bata, Founder of the Bata Shoe Museum in Toronto Canada.

“Besides, one look at the shoes, he (George Masters, “Stylist to the Stars”) said,  told him all he needed to know about a woman.”

Christian singles – These extreme points of view are not held by all, but they are based on a sound understanding of human nature. Nevertheless, we do not want to encourage unjustified pickiness or snobbish attitudes. They are given here merely to acquaint you with various opinions others may have.

Please join us tomorrow when we examine men’s and women’s footwear to get insight into who they are and what impression they wish to make. Of course, many people must choose their shoes for comfort first, especially Seniors, so be willing to give them a break, OK? And just in time  for me and all you flip flop lovers out there, (you know who you are!) our comfy flip flops now have designer jewels on them, well, OK, they’re  fake jewels, but pretty all the same, don’t you think? So does this mean singles can wear them on a date?  Do you think it is permissible if you live in a hot climate, like the desert?  Since ornate flip flops is such a new footwear fashion, the fashionistas have made no recommendations.  You may be on your own on this one, Christian Singles.  Please bookmark us so you can return often! We love to share these exciting topics with you. Even if you don’t think all the info  is worthwhile, it still may be used as a conversation starter, perhaps with friends or family. God’s peace, brothers and sisters in Christ!

Here is something for you to consider, Christian women – Virtues are elusive in that once you think you have them you lose them.

Example: If you proclaim yourself to be wise you have become a fool. And, If you think yourself humble then you are not. Or perhaps you think yourself good, better than others, you have become vain and that’s not good. Lastly if you have to make a big effort to be kind then it is not real.

“What wisdom can you find that is greater than kindness?”- Rousseau

A man is not seeking a contender to challenge his every step, but a best friend with whom he can share happiness. Proverbs 21: 19 “ It is better to dwell in the wilderness than with a contentious and angry woman.” Virtue will prevent you from being the woman in the proverb above.

“Virtue: that low sweet root from which all heavenly virtues shoot.” -Thomas Moore

Whether you connect with a suitor in a Christian singles dating service forum or not, these virtues will advertise themselves, and no man who knows you for any length of time will miss it. They will take note.

LET ROMANCE FLOURISH! WHEN THAT SPECIAL MAN OF GOD SEES THE GLORY OF YOUR VIRTUE, HE WILL YEARN TO STEAL YOUR HEART!

Christian women, have you noticed that men often complain that they just don’t understand women? And, have you ever noticed that they never complain that they don’t understand their mothers? What can be the reason? Men were raised by women who were not usually militant feminists therefore they have a more classical understanding of women. Herein lies the conflict. Men understand the classical woman and therefore their mothers, but they are confused by the new woman of today. Show him your classical side and romance will be second nature to him. No man forgets Mother’s day, with the flowers, cards etc. which is a form of romance. Inspire that in him and he will respond.

A POWERFUL KEY TO LONG LASTING LOVE

Ladies have you noticed that as a rule men don’t usually stick around long with a woman who goes to bed with him very early in the relationship? They know that that woman does not possess the virtue towards him that he needs. When selecting a lifelong mate, men are looking for certain highly desired universal traits. These traits trump all others on their wish list.

Let us be clear on the definition of virtue – In the broad sense it is “an admirable quality” The virtues a man is looking for in a partner are again; goodness, humility, kindness, and wisdom. There are more, but these are the facets which men appraise most in a woman. Virtue has long been a cherished quality in a woman. In Proverbs 31: 10,11 We read “Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her…”

Christian single ladies, do not underestimate the power of these facets of virtue to give you a genuine allure with men. A decision to examine your heart searching for the power of virtue in your life will begin with Bible study. You might like to have a concordance along side your Bible, and a note pad. You could begin with the above verses found in Proverbs 31:10 and 11. Pray and seek God’s help as you take deliberate and determined steps to expand your faith and grow in virtue. You will love the wonderful ways you progress to become the Lord’s and that perfect mate’s Virtuous Woman! May God bless you. You could begin with goodness, humility, kindness and wisdom, and then add other virtues you already possess, or plan to possess. Remember, every day we should try to improve ourselves in our relationships, our wqlk with God, and our effort to be ambassadors for Jesus Christ and to do great exploits for Him.

Though we may not acknowledge it, most of us have a mental shopping list (or maybe a wish list!) of the qualities and traits we want our Christian dream man or woman to have.

Whether Christian dating online or off everyone has their own unique shopping list of preferences that they are looking for in a companion. The criteria are almost boundless. Men may be looking for a demure woman or a woman with a good sense of humor or brown hair. Most of these traits are things which we cannot control such as eye color, height etc. Women will not be able to appeal to all of the men all of the time, but you can appeal to many of the men much of the time!

You probably know someone who was looking for a certain type, but finally settled down with someone who supposedly was not his or her cup of tea in the beginning, right? The fact is that we all make concessions on our shopping lists. Most traits are negotiable, they are secondary, but some traits are not negotiable and are universal among men seeking a mate. These universal qualities are so crucial that they override all other traits on a man’s shopping list. Men do not know what it is intellectually that they need, but they do know intuitively. These universal traits are powerful!

Do you recall the cons who steal women’s hearts? They have mastered the art of projecting these universal traits which women need but are not cognizant of. Hopefully you will be dealing with Christian singles and not cons, but wolves do sometimes come in sheep’s clothing. We’ll be covering what exactly to watch for to spot a con later.

Your future mate may not have gotten what he thought he wanted on his shopping list when he chose you. But because you appealed to his deepest needs he will not regret his decision in choosing you instead of the blonde or redhead.

Do you recall reading the following old proverb, Christian singles:

“A man’s strength is his charm just as a woman’s charm is her strength.”-Havelock Ellis

A woman’s charm (or virtue) is her strength. Think on this statement just a moment, this is your first clue to the universal traits which a man intuitively seeks out in a mate. Gold diggers project this trait and many men fall for it because unfortunately in today’s culture charm (or grace) has been redefined by many to mean false beauty.  This is to stand the truth on it’s head!

“Beauty without grace is the hook without the bait.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

You may find that this brings to mind  starlets and pop-tarts who are pretty, but sadly live self-destructive lives, and who risk an eternal  future without our loving God. We must pray for them to come to the realization that life without a Savior is without true contentment and joy.

Charm can only come from within, it does not come from beauty or wit or even fine clothing. It’s fruits are goodness, humility, kindness, and wisdom. I don’t want to ruin anyone’s book sales on ten reasons why honesty and humility are passé in these modern times, but they are crucial in areas of romance and relationships. If you think that it does not take a strong woman to practice these then you probably have never tried them on for size.

All men, whether going through a Christian singles service such as this or not, are looking for virtue in their mate. Therein lies loyalty. Ladies if you falter on any area of virtue they will intuitively question your loyalty to them and the family. They need to feel secure in their relationship, they need assurance to build upon. Men don’t sit around and figure these things out like I just outlined; they know these things in their gut, they may not be emotional beings, but they know. Christian singles, I hope you are beginning to catch my drift that men and women understand each other very well, we need to acknowledge that fact.

Does your heart yearn to feel the joy this happy couple has found? Consider this:

Dear reader, when you go to bed at night in the still moments before sleep does your heart tend to take off on flights of fancy? This is your heart chasing it’s neglected desires. We are all guilty of suppressing that starving heart within. The day brings responsibilities, burdens, and disappointments which conspire to quench the hearts flame. We (even Christian singles) tend to lose heart and abandon our dreams. Is this you dear reader? What dreams have you abandoned? Does your heart still cry out at the end of the day to be heard?

Dreams are the engines of success in any endeavor whether it be romance, business, or happiness. Our aim ahead will be to restore your dream engine to it’s original condition and get you motivated and excited again. Life does not have to be dull, indeed it should not be dull. Let yourself live the heart’s adventure you’ve been aching for all your life.

Since you are still reading this, I will assume that you are interested in freeing yourself to love and dream as you were designed to.

Through the gathering chaos this single story of truth is striving to be told to an audience such as you, the Christian single. This is your key to the happiness which God has purposed for your life!

 

Love is something so divine, 

Description would make it less;

‘Tis what I feel, but can’t define

‘Tis what I know, but can’t express.- Beilby Porteus

All believers please note; It is supremely important that we as Christian singles and imperfect beings shed all of the negative hostilities that we may harbor one toward another, especially when it comes to issues between men and women. We must deal with imperfect people perfectly. We must forgive others for transgressions, insults, and injuries whether real or imagined. Why?

“ We forgive in the degree that we love.” – Rochefoucauld

We men and women of faith tend to think of forgiveness towards our enemies, but we should also forgive our friends, family, and spouses.  The 1989 movie, The War of the Roses, starring Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner, featured vicious attacks which drove that point home!

Without forgiveness the walls we have erected as a defense mechanism will never come down, and that dynamic love which we all desire will be forever beyond our grasp. By forgiving you have taken the first step in extending love towards one another.

If you can do this CONGRATULATIONS. You have just liberated yourself, you are FREE to love more deeply and take up your Christian singles quest with a clean heart.

You, dear Christian single, were charitable in the face of wrong done to you while they were yet undeserving. They never asked for your forgiveness, nor were they even aware of the personal pardon which you granted unconditionally. This is an act of unconditional love. You have it in you. Some fortunate soul will thank God for the privilege of your blessed hand one day.

Dear reader if you find yourself unable to forgive at this point in your life do not lose heart. For everything there is a time and a season. Our Lord will revisit those old wounds and give you the strength to overcome and wipe the slate of hurtful memories clean, for a bright new beginning. Trust in Him!

NOTE TO CHRISTIAN SINGLES: Psychology has gotten some things right, but they are not the issue right now, you are.

Before we proceed any further in Christian dating advice, let me offer a brief synopsis of the profound information you will learn to apply towards achieving your most heartfelt desires. What you are about to learn is not like anything you have ever seen or heard before.

You will learn the secrets to dramatically change your life for good, Christian singles. Deeper and more passionate relationships will be yours with little effort. And you will have all of the tools necessary to succeed at any undertaking (not just romance) that you set your heart to.

First we must lay the foundation, and then we will discover astonishing secrets which have been hiding in plain sight until now.

One last note. Please visit our sponsors if you see anything that interests you. They all offer free trial memberships. This is what funds our Cherishmates Dating Service. Thank you!

Christian singles, whoever you are, whatever your circumstances you can have and should have the partner of your dreams. I’m going to re-coin an old phrase; There is a right someone for everyone. You may not think of yourself as being worthy of having that ideal companion. NONSENSE ! Ahead I will show you how these superficial barriers are being broken down all the time by people who are in worse circumstances than yourself. Put your faith to work.

How does a prison inmate behind bars who has nothing positive to bring into the relationship manage to successfully woo a targeted female? We’ve all seen countless stories in the media of women who fall in love with cons both behind bars and on the outside. Over the years tens of thousands of inmates have found partners as isolated as they are. Their victims truly believe that they have a powerful “love connection”, but the tragic truth is that they are being used, no, abused by con artists – sociopaths who know the secret of cracking the locks on peoples hearts and endearing themselves to those around them when it is expedient to their scheme.

While they are yet behind bars they wield almost absolute control over their victims. These cons do not love these women but they have somehow convinced them that they do. Please don’t think that I’m going to suggest anyone do the same, I simply wish to convey three significant points.

1. These cons are at a heavy disadvantage when it comes to finding a companion. If they can do it, so can you. (except yours will be genuine) And, they do not have the luxury of online dating the same as we do. Apply the principles ahead and you will succeed in “Christian dating online,” or any other dating forum.

2. These women were not (contrary to popular belief) looking to fall for a con. Many of these women are bright professionals who got caught up in the con game. It can happen to just about anyone. Wealthy men fall prey to gold diggers everyday. Whole nations can fall prey, consider pre-world war two Germany which was wooed by that madman and super con artist – Adolf Hitler. The German people were not looking to fall for a tyrant but fall they did, and hard. You will learn the signs so that you will never be the victim.

3. By knowing the powerful secrets exercised by these cons we can be and should be ever on the alert for those who would attempt to control us. Until now this mystery of their power to win the hearts of those around them has gone largely unidentified.

These principles and secrets may be applied positively not just in “Christian dating”, but in a wider dynamic range.

Now let’s proceed in restoring what the locusts have eaten in your life!

Learn how to steal your loved one’s heart!

Have you heard the well-meaning but inaccurate advice that if you quit struggling to find someone, it will happen with no effort on your part? He or she will suddenly cross your path when you least expect it? So, too, could a truck, barreling through a stop light. Surely, a chance meeting like that has occurred for some singles, but how long do you have to wait before Mr. or Miss Right just happens to synchronize their timing with yours? A better way is available to you, Christian singles. You may have to respond to a few ads online, or receive a response from several singles who are answering your ad, before you find the right one for you. But while you are meeting new people, you are practicing for that ultimate encounter. While practicing, you will become more comfortable with online dating, and meeting new people on the net, some of whom you may remain friends with forever.

This might not be the case for a secular dating site, but after all, you will be meeting new Christian brothers and sisters, and the special bond we have with one another is powerful and spiritually fulfilling in itself.

If you wonder how much response you will receive from posting your first ad, one man was delighted, hearing from 35 women, over a period of 4 weeks. He had to wait about a week before any came in, but then every few days he found more responses over the next three weeks. Out of these respondents, he ended up talking on the phone with 5, and eventually made dates with two, one of whom he is still dating and they are interested in marriage. He was so busy with his windfall of responses, he said he forgot to check out the ads posted by women! This is not the usual course of events, as more often, men answer women’s ads first, but all’s well that ends well!

Women will get many more e-mails than men do because men still outnumber women in the online dating scene, but this is changing rapidly, as more women overcome their fear or discomfort with the whole idea of meeting men in this unorthodox way. Christian singles have the best chance of finding quality partners, as both male and female respondents are looking for lasting love and not a steady source of dates, with no commitment. As you well know, however, many people claim to be Christian, but their lives show no sign of Christ’s regeneration. They may be decent and respectable, but if their hearts are far from the Lord, you will not be able to share the deeper things of your faith, unless you can lead them to intimacy with God. This should be done before marriage, not afterward. Go into a relationship with your eyes wide open. Do not allow yourself to form a mental image of the ideal Christian mate, based only upon what he or she tells you.

Internet dating tends to give you the illusion of closeness, so you need to bear that in mind, and not put your hopes and dreams on the line, based only upon what you have learned about the person through e-mails and even phone calls. You can make the same mistake when you meet someone in person offline, so be all the more cautious, online. While you share e-mails, it is easy to become caught up in the excitement, leaving your powers of discrimination behind. Over time, after you meet, and your friends and family have a chance to meet your new friend, you will have more solid evidence to base your affections and plans for the future upon this particular person. Take your time!