The five levels of non-verbal communications
The intricacies of non-verbal gestures and communications are incredibly complex in their structure and lexicon. The subjects have been studied by thousands of researchers since history began. Much is known and much is still conjecture. The aim of this CherishMates primer is to rightly divide the truth from the lie. There are multitudes of wild conjectures out there masquerading as “theories.” Hopefully this will help you sort through all of the analytical hype and psycho-bloviating. The following is what is known to be true.
Christian men and women, be sure to study this section carefully, for it will give you a glimpse into the engaging single person you have met online or offline. You will be clued into their mannerisms, appearance, habits and more, and you can see for yourself if their unspoken “word” matches their spoken word, if they are in sync. I will also help you discern natural nervousness from character flaws.
1. The Encounter – Whatever the location, in the supermarket or workplace we may encounter someone we are attracted to. The initial cursory signs we may read at this point are;
Eye Contact – At longer distances we may see one another doing the “Sweep.” This is where a man looks at a prospective mate and sweeps across the room, not usually making eye contact at first. He is testing her willingness to be looked at. She in turn knows that the ball is now in her court and responds with looking back if interested or turning away if she is not. If she is receptive she may catch your gaze for a moment. This gentlemen, is your first clue. In closer quarters pupil dilation is another give away that she is interested in you. Ladies this goes for the men as well. This is a reflex and cannot be faked, except for the use of Belladonna. (Please note: WE DO NOT SUGGEST YOU TRY BELLADONNA! Always ask your doctor before trying supplements or other substances, as many of them have unknown side effects, or react dangerously with medications. Please keep your Temple safe and healthy, Christian singles! In Europe women used Belladonna (an extract of the nightshade family) to artificially dilate their eyes to appear more seductive to men. Pupil dilation is a blatant come hither sign, but hard to read from more than five feet away. Caution : Some drugs used today (illicit narcotics) have the same effect. Policemen are trained to read pupil dilations and have their work cut out for them trying to determine who is on drugs and who is interested in them. A frustrating job!
“It is just as important to listen to someone with your eyes as it is with your ears.”- Bell Gold
The eyes clue others about emotions. The fixed stare can signal intensity of fear, romantic interest, or aggression.
Middle ground eye contact signals interest, secure, at ease.
Christian singles note – Little eye contact shows shyness, submissive, evasive, arrogance, and or nervousness.
Body Adornment and accessories.
Sunglasses – May be worn inappropriately. When worn on a date, and the sun is not an issue, this shows lack of communication skills.
Jewelry – Large amounts of gaudy jewelry show insecurity.
Tattoos and piercings – Earthiness. Some Christians have left over tattoos and piercings from their old life, so take this into consideration. Note that some Christian singles practice tattoos and piercings.
Nails – Bitten and uneven nails betray extreme (usually hidden) tension. Well manicured and clean nails show harmony and contact with the civilized world. Dirty nails may tell of job or hobbies also. On a date, especially the first date, the nails should be clean.
Posture – Good posture conveys strength, confidence, and openness. Poor posture such as stooped shows the opposite of the aforementioned.
Clothing – Obviously when dating people will wear clothes that reflect their identities. Cowboys may wear their boots and hats, businessmen may wear dressy shirts with ties, and blue collar workers may wear flannels and 501’s. Much may be learned about someone by the clothes they wear. The clothes may not necessarily make the man, but they do tell of status, attitudes, social affiliations, ethnicity, and gender. When out in public to be seen people wear their clothes like a billboard. This is not to be confused with the casual wear worn for pure comfort what are sometimes referred to as bum around clothes. The following is a list of prominent social categories advertised by clothing.
Biker Gothic Gangsta Cowboy Soccer mom Blue collar
Yuppie Homeless Business
Elitist Nerd Nascar
There are many more categories, the point is to be aware of who and what you are dealing with. You may not chose to associate with some of the above groups when dating. When viewing Christian dating service photos look at what they are wearing. The photo and the clothes are an ad in themselves.
Shoes – We have sayings such as when someone is “well heeled” (or affluent) which tell much about a people and their social relationships with shoes.
“Shoes hold the key to human identity.” – Sonja Bata, Founder of the Bata Shoe Museum in Toronto Canada.
“Besides, one look at the shoes, he (George Masters, “Stylist to the Stars”) said, told him all he needed to know about a woman.”
Christian singles – These extreme points of view are not held by all, but they are based on a sound understanding of human nature. Nevertheless, we do not want to encourage unjustified pickiness or snobbish attitudes. They are given here merely to acquaint you with various opinions others may have.
Please join us tomorrow when we examine men’s and women’s footwear to get insight into who they are and what impression they wish to make. Of course, many people must choose their shoes for comfort first, especially Seniors, so be willing to give them a break, OK? And just in time for me and all you flip flop lovers out there, (you know who you are!) our comfy flip flops now have designer jewels on them, well, OK, they’re fake jewels, but pretty all the same, don’t you think? So does this mean singles can wear them on a date? Do you think it is permissible if you live in a hot climate, like the desert? Since ornate flip flops is such a new footwear fashion, the fashionistas have made no recommendations. You may be on your own on this one, Christian Singles. Please bookmark us so you can return often! We love to share these exciting topics with you. Even if you don’t think all the info is worthwhile, it still may be used as a conversation starter, perhaps with friends or family. God’s peace, brothers and sisters in Christ!