Discover Hidden Roots Of Depression

Realize that anger, irritability, and self-hatred are the spiritual roots of depression and use this knowledge to propel yourself out of your misery. Don’t fall for the lie that you will never get better. These problems are psychosomatic and can be eradicated. Christian singles, have faith that our Lord will help you recover completely from loneliness and depression.

DEPRESSION IS MERELY ANGER, WITHOUT ENTHUSIASM!

Other sources of depression can include a chemical imbalance in your brain; low blood sugar, which makes it hard to control anger and nervousness; lack of adequate sleep; lack of sunshine; and a diet high in sugar, starches and junk food snacks. Chemical imbalances are treated with anti-depressants, if necessary. Low blood sugar can be cured with a diet high in animal protein, non-starchy vegetables and fruits, and some whole grains, and no sugar. The need for this diet should be determined by your doctor, after the necessary blood tests have indicated low blood sugar. Having low blood sugar makes you feel shaky, weak, unable to concentrate, breaking out into a cold sweat, nervous and irritated. If you snack on turkey breast, beef or other animal protein (without breading or other carbohydrate added,) you will feel the nervousness literally drain downward through your body, and your brain will feel normal and alert again. The reason that I can describe the symptoms is because I suffered from it before doctors believed it was real. After my blood sugar tested at 29 (normal glucose is between 65-99mg/dl) my doctor still wouldn’t admit I had a medical problem but I will give him credit for advising me to go on the diet described above, with protein snacks between meals to keep my blood sugar stabilized. From then on, I’ve never eaten a meal of mostly starches and sugar, and I’ve  never had low blood sugar  again. This diet also protects you from high blood sugar or type 2 diabetes, but you must be under a doctor’s supervision to be sure you are taking care of your body safely. The remedies for other sources of depression are too obvious to describe; get plenty of sunshine and sleep. Exercise will help with these two sources, because you can walk or run in the sunshine and exercise may help you sleep, if not done too close to bedtime. Low blood sugar also causes mood swings, low energy and confusion.

The definition of the word psychosomatic is: “Pertaining to the interrationships of mind and body, with special reference to disease; 2, designating a branch of medicine that investigates the reciprocal influences in the cause, prevention, treatment, and cure of disease.”  Christian singles, whatever you say about yourself, over and over, your mind will take as fact and it will act on it accordingly. Psychosomatic illnesses must be dealt with on a spiritual level. Your faith in God will help when you really do believe He will heal, to bring health and restore your God-given right, a sound mind. Believe it and receive it!

We do not in any way suggest you refuse to see a doctor or quit taking medicine without medical advice. We feel that doctors are a blessing from God. But when medical science has done all it can do and no hope for a cure is evident, then the Lord is the only source for a miracle. Physicians will readily admit that many diseases cannot be cured, but only managed, and this is where a knowledge of the psychosomatic causes, the root causes can help. If you can eradicate fear, self-hatred, and anger from your mind and heart (soul), you can remove the source and put your mind and body on a course to self-healing.  A good, positive attitude, and a new dialog with your mind and heart speaking only life-affirming, faith-based words can make all the difference, especially in overcoming depression. The medical emphasis now is on preventive care, so that we won’t cause a disease by our bad health choices and negative thought patterns and habits. This is what we need to do  Christian singles, after learning how to speak healing upon ourselves: regular maintenance must follow our healing to ward off future recurrences. We cannot allow ourselves to fall back into those old patterns of self-pity, self-rejection, hatred, hopelessness, etc., but must continue on with our RENEWED minds.(Eph.4:23 be renewed in the spirit of your mind,…put on the new man…; and 2Cor.5:17, ..if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature, old things are passed away,all things have become new.)

Take Your Medicine or You Are In Time Out!

Just kidding, Christian singles.  But those smile muscles need another good workout, as part of your therapy.

Let’s see if you can handle this motley collection of jokes; some groaners and some which are sure to tickle your funny bone! Take your medicine!

One day, a little girl is sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly notices that her mother has several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looks at her mother and inquisitively asks,
“Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?” Her mother replied,
“Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.”
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while, and then said,
“So, Momma, how come ALL of grandma’s hairs are white?”

Laughter is one of the best remedies for depression. Tell these jokes to others and you won’t feel so lonely:

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.

“Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, ‘There’s Jennifer; she’s a lawyer,’ or ‘That’s Michael, he’s a doctor.'”
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, “And there’s the teacher; she’s dead.”

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said, “Now, boys, if I stood on my head the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I should turn red in the face.”
“Yes, sir,” the boys said.
“Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn’t run into my feet?”
A little fellow shouted, “Cause yer feet ain’t empty.”

Just a note for Christian singles who may be lonely or depressed. There is an old adage: “To have friends, you must first be a friend.” This doesn’t mean that you are unfriendly! It means that if you wish to end your loneliness and make friends you must take the initiative. Reach out your hand of friendship to others. By doing so the dark clouds of loneliness and depression will burn off in the warmth of friendship’s light. Here at Christian Date Mate we hope that you will join our Christian dating program. It’s free to join. You may meet only those you wish to. Perhaps you only want a prayer partner or pen pal, that’s great! You’re moving in the right direction. If you wish for deeper relationships that’s entirely up to you. You will not be rushed. Why not get started today and blow away those clouds of loneliness and depression?

For weeks, a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house. One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event. The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said,
“Tommy, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?”
Tommy burst into tears and confessed, “I think Mommy ate it!”

The photographer for a National Magazine was assigned to get photos of a great forest fire. Smoke at the scene was too thick to get any good shots, so he frantically called his home office to hire a plane. “It will be waiting for you at the airport!” he was assured by his editor. As soon as he got to the small, rural airport, sure enough, a plane was warming up near the runway. He jumped in with his equipment and yelled “Let’s go Let’s go!” The pilot swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air. “Fly over the North side of the fire,” said the photographer, “and make three or four low level passes.” “Why?”

asked the pilot. “Because I’m going to take pictures! I’m a photographer, and photographers take pictures!” said the photographer with great exasperation and impatience. After a long pause the pilot said, “You mean you’re not the instructor?”

God’s Plan for Marriage

Noting that human babies begin to laugh at about 4 months of age, evolutionists surmised that sharing laughter with mother was an important means of communicating. Unfortunately, a writer wobbled off course at this point, when he speculated that “Biologists suggest that nature considers sounds of joy important enough to have conserved them in evolution.” What, now “nature” has human or god-like capabilities? Only a thinking, intelligent agent can “consider” and “conserve.”  indicating that evolutionists evidently believe nature must have a brain, somewhat like ours! Why are they so irrational, Christian singles?  Do they really believe we aren’t intelligent enough to question the notion that “nature” could have a brain, developed enough to “consider sounds of joy important”? Perhaps their shaky Darwinian philosophy couldn’t produce scientific evidence to prove that laughter happened by accident? But their problem goes one step further! They have to prove that animal laughter happened by accident and then, by accident again, human and animal laughter have been proven to have healing properties, of which, we are now only scratching the surface!!! No, thank you. Occam’s Razor slices through their convoluted, flaky, fairy tale of unbelievable natural forces that, somehow, can “CONSIDER sounds of joy important enough to have conserved them in evolution”, and yet this force doesn’t have a brain? Let’s consider Occam’s razor again: “ the simplest theory that fit’s the facts corresponds most closely to reality.”  Watch the simplicity, elegance and beauty of the opening statement of  the Bible: “IN THE BEGINNING, GOD CREATED THE HEAVENS AND THE EARTH.”  The grandeur of that sweeping statement meet’s Occam’s requirements and fit’s a mountain of evidence for Intelligent Design.

One interesting aside before we return to laughter as a powerful medicine for you: Darwin is held in high esteem by diehard evolutionists, but his personal life and choices resulted in four of his 10 innocent children being sickly, and mentally troubled. And 3 of them died young. You see the harm caused by a few generations of inbreeding,  the Darwins and  Wedgewoods (of Wedgewood China fame), cousins marrying cousins, evidently to keep the family fortune intact. His ego deceived him into believing people of his station and intellect needn’t fear God’s law against inbreeding, because it only applied to the lower class. That’s why God’s laws protect you, as  Christian singles seeking a marriage made in Heaven!

Darwin, and others of his time, had the audacious belief that breeding for a superior race and culling the population of inferior minds (eugenics) would create a better society. IRONICALLY, SOME OF DARWIN’S TEN CHILDREN WOULD HAVE FALLEN INTO HIS PERCEIVED INFERIOR (EXPENDABLE) CLASS, DUE TO HIS ANCESTOR’S AND HIS INBREEDING!   The author of “Charles Darwin; The Power Of Place”, Janet Browne, wrote that Darwin was jealous of the healthy children born to the unwashed, the poorly educated! But, at least, they knew better than to inbreed. Stories of ancient pharaohs should have been a warning, even if some didn’t believe the Bible. I heard someone say that a well known  royal family from across the pond  ( I won’t say who) “had inbred to within one chromosome of insanity.” I suppose this would not apply to first generation inbreeding, or cousins marrying cousins, if they didn’t share any harmful genes, but I don’t know. I never met any couples who were first cousins. Darwin and his powerful family thought they were immune to God’s laws, and their children paid a high price for their parental inbreeding.  That’s all I have to say about “Kissin’ cousins!”

You may wish to study inbreeding and associated birth defects and diseases, or the horrendous history of the eugenics movement.  Eugenics is alive and well today.  And those who believe in culling the population sometimes have the biggest families, such as Ted Turner, who had 5 children! If he really believed his own plan for everyone to have small families, which three of his children should he have culled out?

Now on to a happier subject, and how our wonderful laughing animals are a source of deep healing for us.  If you don’t have a pet, a friend’s pet will do nicely.  They are so full of love, there’s plenty to go around.

We can learn much from animals at play. They aren’t languishing in a corner, as I once did, waiting for everything in my life to be perfect before I would allow myself to be happy. Animals “seize the day”. They throw themselves into the moment, enjoying simple pleasures with maximum zeal and abandon. They “make fun” with objects like sticks, string, sunbeams or even imaginary playthings in the air (or do they see things we do not?) Dogs and dolphins have proven very sensitive to human pain and infirmity and are used to help people heal.  Hospitals and hospices are incorporating visiting dogs to bring joy to patients who welcome the escape from their troubles for a few minutes. Even the dying will respond to a friendly dog’s love. It’s never too late to take God’s medicine for a broken heart. Albert E. Cliffe said, “You know, you sometimes think yourself into a depression. Do you know you can also think yourself into gladness? It is by such thinking that you get well.”

Laughter, along with finding the root cause of my depression, having prayer and counseling for inner healing and other methods were the most helpful antidotes for me and for others and they also form the basis for eradicating future bouts with loneliness and depression. I will be repeating these methods throughout this guide to refresh your mind, because I know concentrating can be difficult. Also, one more thing. When I was sick, depressed and lonely years ago, I discovered something odd. I realized that I could give myself permission to get well and be happy again. I could let go of the negative thoughts I’d unknowingly punished myself with, and in their place, I began to believe I deserved happiness. If you think this may apply to your struggle with loneliness and depression, I urge you to entertain those two thoughts in your mind. I speak God’s blessing and healing upon you, dear Christian single, in Jesus’ name, Amen.

Tickle A Rat; Spread The Joy!

The Joy Module

Tickle A Rat; Spread The Joy! You’ve heard of the God Module, Christian singles, now consider the Joy Module, which we share with many of God’s creatures.

Incompetent Christians  didn’t build an insulation around hapless students so they would understand only God could, logically, have created all things. Ironically,  now many proponents of Intelligent Design, like Molecular Biologist  Michael Denton, “Evolution: A Theory In Crisis”  are non-believers who have seen through the impossibility of the theory of evolution! (They don’t agree that the God of the Bible designed it all, but they are hoping to find some force or unknown mechanism to credit with the overwhelming, undeniable evidence for design.)

So despite Communism’s forced conversions to atheism and even the growing anti-God movement in Socialist countries in Europe and elsewhere, people everywhere know there is an empty place within them that only God can fill. God didn’t build His “God Module” in them for nothing!

Now we need to get back to the “joy module.” Sorry, your dating coach’s  mind is prone to wander. (short attention span, you know.) I’ll try to stay on message, OK?  Why did God place a joy module in animals, too? Maybe to confound the evolutionists, but I think He gave them this beautiful gift so that “all of creation could feel joy and declare the glory and wonder of our Creator.”

Animals simply love life, and many of them make it so obvious to us that we couldn’t miss their joy. Dogs and dolphins are great examples of this. We can learn a lot just watching them at play. Have you seen a dog smile? Some have big grins, but if you haven’t seen it, they express their joy with their whole bodies, too, wagging their tails so hard they nearly fall over. They make happy sounds and playful signals that call us to join in on the fun.

Not to be out done, cats also express deep joy and contentment with their purr motors going full throttle when human friends hold them on their laps and pet them. (unfortunately, if you don’t protect your legs, their delirious kneading may pierce your flesh,) If you’re a cat lover, Christian singles, you know the healing power of that comforting feline purr. As you stroke your four legged friend, it seems that all is well with the world and a calm and peace fall upon you. Imagine how kittens feel, feeding from Mama, serenaded by her rhythmic purring. It must be pure bliss. Cats express their love for humans by rubbing up against our legs or snuggling around our heads as we sleep. How many times have I awakened to find a heavy cat draped across my neck and another wrapped around my head? Why can’t they sleep at my feet to keep them warm, instead? But they have their reasons, I’m sure. Too fastidious?  Too squeamish?

Now, finally to the peculiar discovery of joyful, laughing rats! Researchers found when the rat’s are tickled gently around the nape of their necks, the rats break out in rapturous chirps, their form of laughter, heard only with high tech devices because the sound is above the range of human hearing. Rats laugh? Who knew?!!

Actually, according to several articles on the subject, this discovery in the emerging field of animal sounds has human application, which excites the neuroscientists. They’ve proven that during human laughter, “ dopamine reward circuits in the brain light up.” This research may lead to revolutionary treatment for emotional illnesses and the brain chemistry involved with emotional problems such as Autism, ADD, hyperactivity, etc. Although I’d never heard of this research in animal emotions, it has been going on for years, and is now thoroughly accepted, even by previous skeptics. A researcher said that the rats are discriminating, only laughing for researchers of their own liking, and refusing to laugh for those they don’t like. The tickle-loving rats came back for more and grew close to some researchers.

Depression: Fellow Traveler with Loneliness

Now that we’ve examined many aspects of loneliness, let’s take a closer look at depression. The odd thing about this pair of monsters is that, in some cases, it’s hard to say which came into our lives first. They may come to call alone, but as time goes by, we can feel the heaviness and pain of both.

If we become lonely first, depression is a natural outcome of loneliness. But if depression appears first, loneliness will find fertile ground to grow, due to the habit of pushing people away and avoiding old relationships. Sometimes we are not the ones to reject friends and family. A chronically depressed person finds that others retreat, not wanting to deal with the complaints of the depressed. Others, at first, try to help by showing support or giving helpful encouragement though  over time, when they see that nothing they’ve said or done made any difference, they give up. They feel frustrated and angry that all the hours of listening and trying to help seemed  a waste. Nothing changed.

A friend of mine developed depression after he learned that the company he worked for filed for bankruptcy, and pensions were lost in the shuffle. He spent a big part of his savings on legal fees, to no avail. Too old to start over, he became very withdrawn and didn’t want to get out of bed. He said that lying in bed most of the day and night gave him a headache and his strength was dwindling.  His wife had medical insurance which covered him, so she urged him to get treatment.

This began with antidepressants and mood stabilizing drugs , which helped for a while, but over time, the effect wore off. Then he went to a psychotherapist and was helped a bit while he learned about dealing with thoughts and emotions. The therapist suggested focusing on the issue that bothered him most, which was losing the pension he’d worked for, and the anger and feeling of abandonment by a company he had been loyal to for so many years. Evidently secular therapists know the value of forgiving those who have hurt you, because he was encouraged to forgive and let go of the feeling of betrayal. Isn’t it amazing that in 2000 years since the Lord preached about forgiveness, it has become a hot topic among non-Christian practitioners? Recently, they’ve rediscovered the healing power of prayer and, another “breakthrough,” that a cheerful heart does good, like a medicine! Is this a “Back to the future” moment in time? The non-believing medical establishment should study the Bible, because it is full of such “breakthroughs”. But that’s no surprise to those of us who love the Bible. We’ve always known the Bible is The Maker’s Manual.

He went to a Christian counselor and was taught meditation. Along with a diet which prescribed healthy foods and supplements that naturally elevated his mood (more on this later!), he finally was regaining his mental and emotional well-being.

Chapter 9. Depression: Fellow Traveler with Loneliness

Relaxation response is a type of meditation that is easy and teaches you to completely focus your attention on one thing, perhaps a short passage in the Bible that is calming and comforting to you. You will breathe deeply in and out, slowly, while keeping that verse in mind, and repeat it over and over. If your mind wanders, don’t get upset, just let it float away while you stay on your verse. You could try this for a short time at first, and work up to 15 or 20 minute sessions. If you have high blood pressure, you could check your pressure before meditating and afterward to see if you are truly becoming relaxed.

The way the counselor taught him to meditate might be of some help to you, too. In a later article I will outline breathing exercises to relieve stress, depression, possibly lower your blood pressure, and give your lungs a good workout. 

 Meditation is a useful aid in good health. No wonder the Lord told us to meditate upon the Word, Christian men and women!  I’ve become aware of the healing properties of Christian meditation in recent years. I thought the benefit of meditating was a deeper knowledge of the Word, but I’m thankful to say we can also heal our minds and bodies while meditating.  Isn’t that just like the Lord, to give us a double portion, an unexpected bonus for being obedient! Meditating can also calm anxiety, post-traumatic syndrome and fight substance abuse.

Prepare To Have Your Ribs Tickled

It’s time to take our medicine again! Don’t I sound like a nurse? You know the kind; a no-nonsense woman, usually tall and shaped like a refrigerator, ( probably a drill sergeant in WW2, ) carrying a tiny paper cup with pills in it. You knew there were no options about taking your medicine. You were just glad she wasn’t headed your way with some contraption which had a long tube or hose on it, which is never a good sign! But this medicine is sweet, and it’s only purpose is to make your heart merry. So enjoy!

A man goes to a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says “You can’t bring that dog in here!” The guy, without missing a beat, says “This is my seeing-eye dog.” “Oh man, ” the bartender says, “I’m sorry, here, the first one’s on me.” The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door.

Another guy walks in the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guys sees him, stops him and says “You can’t bring that dog in here unless you tell him it’s a seeing-eye dog.” The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar. He asks for a drink. The bartender says “Hey, you can’t bring that dog in here!”

The second man replies “This is my seeing-eye dog.” The bartender says, “No, I don’t think so. They do not have Chihuahuas as seeing-eye dogs.” The man pauses for a half-second and replies “What?!?! They gave me a Chihuahua?!?”
“The Computer is Down”

Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, “I’d like to get you guys in now, but our computer is down. You’ll have to go back to Earth for about a week, but you can’t go back as priests. So what else would you like to be?”
The first priest says, “I’ve always wanted to be an eagle, soaring above the Rocky Mountains.”
“So be it,” says St. Peter, and off flies the first priest.
The second priest mulls this over for a moment and asks, “Will any of this week ‘count’, St. Peter?”
“No, I told you the computer’s down. There’s no way we can keep track of what you’re doing.”
“In that case,” says the second priest, “I’ve always wanted to be a stud.”
“So be it,” says St. Peter, and the second priest disappears.
A week goes by, the computer is fixed, and the Lord tells St. Peter to recall the two priests. “Will you have any trouble locating them?” He asks.
“The first one should be easy,” says St. Peter. “He’s somewhere over the Rockies, flying with the eagles. But the second one could prove to be more difficult.”
“Why?” asketh the Lord.
“He’s on a snow tire, somewhere in North Dakota.”

OK, that’s all folks!  Please remember to smile often, even when you don’t feel like it.  Just the act or exercise of smiling, even with no emotion behind it, will cause healing endorphens to flow. As you relax and practice those  grins, or even half-smiles, you will see that it is working its magic on your wounded heart. Promise yourself, Christian singles, you will avail yourself of this natural healing process, a true gift from God!

Ten Commandments and Finding Your Soulmate

The Ten Commandments and Your Wondrous Qualities and Assets

After your inventory, consider how you fulfill the spiritual requirements of the Ten Commandments, at a deep level.

The first Commandment: Love and honor the Lord above everything else. Christian singles will prize this in you, above all else.

The Second Commandment: Do not bow down to idols nor idolize anything or anyone.

The Third Commandment: The name of our Lord will always be held in awe and reverence.

The Fourth Commandment: His Sabbath will be honored and respected.

The Fifth Commandment: We will honor our earthly parents.

The Sixth Commandment: We will not kill.

The Seventh Commandment: We will not commit adultery.

The Eighth Commandment: We will not steal.

The Ninth Commandment: We will not lie (bear false witness)

The Tenth Commandment: We will not covet our neighbor’s property.

These Commandments are our sure guide to living lives acceptable to God and man. In honoring and living out the Ten Commandments we demonstrate character, trustworthiness, maturity, self control, self respect and respect for others. Keeping these Commandments will demonstrate to all that we have high standards and that we can be trusted, a quality Christian singles look for in a mate.

Surveying your Wondrous Qualities and Assets:

In making an inventory of your sterling qualities, also check out these sources; The fruit of the Spirit chapter,Gal.5; The Beatitudes chapter, Matt.5; The wisdom chapter, Prov. 8;

These are areas where you probably excel and have never given yourself credit. I say this, not to puff you up with pride, but to help you see you are far from hopeless. For any legalists reading this, please consider the lonely; they are the ‘poor in spirit’ who don’t need condemnation because they condemn themselves, as a result of their unhealthy self-rejection. They are the Savior’s loved ones, trying to put things right in their lives. Let’s encourage them instead. We all are sinners saved by God’s incredible, unmerited grace!

Now that you’ve reviewed these attributes of a person of good character, a loving, forgiving person, you will be heartened by your performance in these areas, and ready to tackle those areas that need some help. Just ask the Lord to forgive you and to help you. He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. This project in self improvement will encourage you as you reach toward a higher level, mentally, spiritually and physically. Having projects like this takes your mind off your loneliness long enough to plant affirming, positive, Holy Spirit inspired thoughts in it’s place. You will have to practice this habit until it becomes second nature to mentally push away thoughts of loneliness and replace them with affirming, Holy Spirit anointed thoughts. Of course you may repeat this new habit many times a day, as you wish, and also keep the habit a regular part of your spiritual and physical workouts, for what you think about surely has effects on your body, soul and spirit.

Christian singles: Did you know that the power of positive affirmation can endear you to others? It’s so easy to do, yet the effect it has is awesome. People really need to hear from you that their good deeds did not go unnoticed. As an example, I saw an elderly neighbor helping a disabled man get up from a fall. Later, I complimented him on his patience and kindness to a stranger. He was so touched that someone had noticed his unselfish deed that he had tears in his eyes. Your acknowledgement of another’s kindness will lift their spirits, because they need to know they are making a difference. It tells them that their lives have importance and they are innately valuable. Here’s something to think about: When you meet your soul mate (I use that in a Biblical sense, not with any New Age connotation) and you show appreciation for their good deeds, you will rise to new heights in their eyes because you have allowed them to see themselves through another’s eyes. They will feel as good about you as you have made them feel about themselves.

Your Wondrous Qualities and Assets

Now that you’ve realized that you have many inner strengths and that you really do shine in many areas you will begin to build a stronger self image, not overly proud, but with more self-assurance. This will serve notice on satan (I won’t capitalize his name; he deserves no honor) that you will no longer fall for his condemnation tricks. Rebuke those arrows that pierce your heart. You are a new creation in Christ! And we all are a work in progress!

Now that I’m peeved about satan, I may as well set the record straight with my critics (and they are Legion!) Hmm, where have I heard that term before?? Critics will rake me over the coals for ignoring the fact that physical attractiveness is the FIRST thing a date will notice because it is the source of “Chemistry”, that all important ingredient in making a love connection. Well, since it has been estimated that 95% of the world’s population is average looking, at best (OK, it’s my estimate) there aren’t enough Brad Pitts and J-LO’s to go around for everyone. But ordinary people do attract each other and they don’t see an average person when they look into each other’s eyes. They see in each other what others might not, and they experience passionate love and contentment too. I remember seeing a poll on marital sexual satisfaction, contrasting Christian couples vs. secular couples, and the group reporting the greatest contentment in this category were the Christians. I don’t know why, maybe they read that steamy Song of Solomon book before retiring, or maybe it was because they knew there would be no one else for either of them so they made it satisfying. Christian singles look to the qualities that will last forever and these are patience, a happy outlook, compatibility, and a similar faith in God, the third party in their marriage.

Your Wondrous Gifts and Assets

When you take the following evaluation of yourself, Christian singles, your confidence will rise quickly as you see that you already possess quite a powerful resume of good works, attitudes and beliefs. You are not starting your self-improvement program from the bottom of the heap, no, to the contrary, the following criteria will prove it to you. My premise is that the very things God has instilled in you will be the qualities a prospective Christian mate will look for in you! Let’s face it; Christian men and women prize the same spiritual attributes that God does in His children. These wondrous assets that most of you already possess, having made it a priority to become more Christ-like, will dazzle your admirers!

While we accept that all of us are flawed (only the dead have no annoying habits and they never get on anyone’s nerves, unless a living person is reminiscing about them!) your good qualities will far outweigh these flaws and make the task of shooting down your negative attitudes easy, seeing what a storehouse of Christ-like attributes you already have.

Your confidence will soar, Christian singles, giving you the strength to overcome and remove things from the old sin nature of the past. For instance, forgiveness will become easier and bad habits like chronic complaining can be overcome. (God called it “murmuring “in the Old Testament, and as you noticed, He wasn’t amused!) If you are depressed and lonely you may have said things like, “Why do other Christians have happy marriages and a comfortable living, but not me? (This may be a perception and might not be factual; we don’t really know what goes on behind closed doors.) But even if true, we should not give in to envy and jealousy, which lead to murmuring). Actually, complaining is an affirmation that you speak upon yourself, and you accept this lower status for yourself as you speak it into existence by your very words. Remember, what you speak, your mind accepts as fact and acts upon it. Complaining becomes a vicious circle, canceling out opportunities that come your way because you’ve convinced yourself that you will never have a happy, contented life. Do you see yourself in the above paragraph, brother or sister? If so please pay close attention, won’t you?

This principle applies to many other complaints you will have a difficult time overcoming if you declare in your mind that it’s your lot in life to never experience the abundant life you can have in Christ. Here is a clue to overcoming these negative thoughts; “Take every thought into captivity”. You, after all, control those negative thoughts. They must not be allowed to control you! When hurtful memories, jealous thoughts, self-pity, etc. pop into your mind, always rebuke the thought and banish it. The best way to accomplish this is to have a Bible verse (one of God’s promises) to declare, which will decimate satan’s lie, such as “I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me.”

Let’s return to your evaluation of your strong points. Remember, the qualities God loves, both you and your perspective Christian date will be looking for in one another. First, begin by listing your strongest attributes. Don’t be modest; these qualities will attract people to you. NOTE: I am not referring to your personal appearance, wealth, education, ability to make others laugh or be the life of the party, or other superficial assets. We have to dig deeper, into your soul and your life experiences to find the special characteristics that others highly prize. If you are trustworthy; if you help people in need; if you encourage and uplift the spirits of others; if you avoid gossip or character assassination; if you never abuse, use or manipulate others; if you have studied your Bible and lived out the precepts it teaches, and if you are gentle, forgiving, kind and thoughtful, people will see the glow and loving kindness of the Savior in your eyes and your deeds, evident to all who know you, even in your weakened condition with sadness and fading hope, that loneliness brings.

Please think of the kindness and positive things you do despite all you are going through and acknowledge you are a force for positive change on the earth, a light shining in the darkness! The Lord sees your compassion and knows what it has cost you to help someone in the midst of your own pain.

Hermits Prefer Their Own Company! 

Before we return to our subject, loneliness (for Christian singles), let’s look at those peculiar people who thrive on being alone. I call these curmudgeons “Hermits”, and more power to them if they really prefer being isolated:

“I would rather sit on a pumpkin and have it all to myself than be crowded on a velvet cushion.” Henry David Thoreau

Thoreau also mused, “I love to be alone. I have never found a companion that was so companionable as solitude.”

A crusty hermit from yesteryear, Thoreau may never have gotten the recognition and love he wanted so he decided he didn’t need it. Loners throughout history have retreated from society as they have experienced disillusionment and hurt, real or perceived, from people who have not fulfilled the loner’s needs.

Recluses have learned to be detached from their feelings, to “live inside their heads”; to fill their waking hours with ideas, dreams, activities, hobbies, reading, and who knows what else, since they never invite anyone in to see for themselves!  But one advantage hermits have over lonely people who long for intimate friendships, is the fact that they know how to fill their day with numerous projects, many unfinished, so they always have “something to keep themselves busy”, a worthwhile way to prevent boredom. Recluses are usually pack rats, and have drawers and boxes stuffed with materials and ideas that await their attention. Actually, the world is better, for the gifts and zealous work some reclusive and semi-reclusive souls have brought forth in solitude.

But I digress. Our purpose here is to bring MORE people into your life, not to retreat from them. Consider this gem, penned by an unknown author:

“We read, to know that we are not alone.”

It’s very true and insightful. When we read books (or even internet Christian dating fodder for thought, such as this!…But, hey, it’s free, right?) it connects us with a real human, the author, and reminds us that we are not alone, on many levels. We share feelings, we see into another’s soul. Our minds are engaged, identifying with the protagonist, discovering new insights, and best of all, learning new ways to enrich our lives from someone who has gone before us, making our path straight and far more effortless. And strangely enough, unlike reading a book, reading this online literally joins us in cyberspace with people who are reading it at the same time. Therefore, none of us is alone at this moment.

Solitude vs. Loneliness

Two Very Different Reactions to Being Alone

Let’s move on now to solitude and how it differs from loneliness, Christian singles. Both are the result of being alone, or rather, both are a reaction to the state of being alone. It has been said that language has created the word loneliness to express the pain of being alone, and the word solitude to express the glory of being alone. However, solitude is a welcome choice, a chance to rest and nourish the soul whereas loneliness carries so many destructive emotions that we want to escape it. Vincent Van Gogh painted a touching picture of being alone; “One may have a blazing hearth in one’s soul, yet no one ever comes to sit by it”

On the other hand, solitude has it’s benefits. Aloneness forces you to evaluate your life, your aspirations, beliefs, and attitudes. You’ve heard the saying, it’s good to lay fallow for awhile. That which does not kill me, strengthens me. The following poem, author unknown, is reminiscent of Biblical wisdom gained and born out of suffering:

I walked a mile with Pleasure

She chattered all the way

And left me none the wiser

For all she had to say.

I walked a mile with Sorrow

And ne’re a word said she

But, oh, the things I learned from her

When Sorrow walked with me.

Creative people need more solitude than others, because they need to hone their craft, envision a new creation, and concentrate to bring to fruition what they see in their mind’s eye. Lou Dorfsman opined, “Creativity is essentially a lonely art, an even lonelier struggle; to some a blessing, to others a curse. It is, in reality, the ability to reach inside yourself and drag forth from your very soul an idea.”

You’ve probably read the poem “One Solitary Life” telling how our Savior’s life, in relative obscurity, changed the world, with His message of love and forgiveness. He taught men to respect and honor women and to value all life. In fact, the early believers took to heart the teaching that in Heaven there is neither male nor female, slave nor free person but all are one in Christ, thereby elevating female believers who worked side by side with men, bringing souls to Christ.You may have heard about the practice of Roman parents who left their unwanted newborn babies in the garbage outside the city to die. At night, the early Christians would come and bring the cast off babies home to raise as their own because they knew how Jesus loved little children. This was at great cost to them as they too, were outcasts, marginalized and hunted by the powerful Romans.

Jesus also had to find quiet time with His Father, so He escaped the massive crowds to spend time in prayer, talking with His Father. Many find quiet time to spend with God in the early morning hours and it sustains them through their day. I hope you will take time appreciating solitude and refresh your souls alone with God, Christian singles. I’m sure you are familiar with one of the old songs of the faith: “I come to the garden alone, while the dew is still on the roses”. Yes, wherever we meet with the Lord, we find renewal in our spirits. He cares about you, dear brother and sister, and He will never leave you or forsake you. Happier days are coming for you, so full of joy, the former days will nearly be forgotten. Take heart.