We are delighted to introduce you to our Christian Dating and Relationships Coach, Katherine Tapani, who will lead you through your first anxious attempts at writing a Personals ad. This new Christian dating blog is designed to bring Christian singles back to it again and again. She will be sure that you connect with those singles in a warm and friendly way, and her sure hand will guide you through all the steps you will take in meeting and marrying the Christian man or woman who will bless your life with love and sweet companionship.
You will find her wisdom and humor very encouraging whether you are a novice at online dating, or have tried it before. We want your Cherishmates.com experience to be exciting and satisfying in every way and your personal coach is well qualified to gently lead you. Her university degree with majors in Education, Journalism, and a minor in English set the stage for further studies, with emphasis on successful communication, body language, Happiness Seminars, Marriage and Family Dynamics, Coaching, and help for singles suffering depression, anxiety, and loneliness. Her favorite verse for singles in need is “A cheerful heart doeth good, like a medicine,” and she will reveal amazing Biblical prescriptions to overcome, once and for all, those emotions, destructive self-talk, and painful memories that have hindered many of you for too long.
Katherine was editor and publisher of a Christian newspaper called The New Life, and contributed articles on many subjects for several web sites, but her first love is exercising one of her spiritual gifts, that of encouraging and coaching others, especially her Christian brothers and sisters. Since God chose marriage as a means of providing a couple and their children the greatest possible life here on Earth, it is Katherine’s desire to coach you and your new love to give each other your very best! Again, we are thrilled to have Katherine Tapani sharing exciting new ideas that will make your personal ad and your communications unforgettable!
( Trust Me, This Does Have Something To Do With Overcoming Loneliness and Depression!)
Guess what! No sooner had the medical establishment accepted and sanctioned prayer as a healing “breakthrough,” now they have discovered that God’s creation, namely the animals, have a “Joy Module” built in, just as humans do! And this has implications for our purposes because we need to bring your joy, laughter, contentment, and happiness back! Since we know that we were created to express joy (e.g. “The joy of the Lord is our STRENGTH”… Did you get that?) our therapy must include steps to heal our “Joy Module” (not a medical term, I made it up, because some time ago researchers opined that people were designed with what they called , a God Module.) This God Module explains why the vast majority of folks on Earth believe in some form of a higher being and this is precisely why it is so hard to make atheists out of them! Communism tried and failed miserably. The believers simply went underground to worship their God. When the Iron Curtain fell, churches and synagogues sprang up and filled in the former Soviet Union and faith is alive and vibrant there today. The Communists knew they must destroy the people’s faith in God in order to control their minds, so they closed many churches, persecuted believers and sent them to prison camps (where the believers found a new mission field in fellow prisoners!!!) . The Communists indoctrinated small children to replace faith in God with faith in Communism instead. This cruel experiment, forcing atheism on the young left many without hope, adrift in society and the hollow promises of the revolution didn’t ring true.
There are two successful means of creating atheists; one being atheist parents who teach their children from youth, and I’m sorry to say, religion that lacks the love of God and the POWER of God and turns more away from life-affirming faith than it draws in. Some believers say they lost their faith while in school, as atheist teachers convinced them that science proves the Bible false, but this, too, can be laid at the dead churches’ doorstep because ministers, teachers and parents did not show young people that Intelligent Design is a perfect fit for life’s incredible complexity. And as molecular science finds even more complexity in living cells, Intelligent Design does not flinch from new evidence, as evolutionists must, hoping against hope that students won’t question the simplistic mantras of Darwin and his followers that utterly fail to produce evidence from the .fossil record to substantiate macro-evolution ( e.g. birds evolving from reptiles; and the embarrassing absence of transitional forms that these huge jumps between completely different life forms should have left behind.) No, our students should have been equipped with “baloney detectors”, a term I borrow from the late Carl Sagan, who obviously needed one too.To believe that life happened by chance, and the universe sprang into being from nothing demands what science fiction writers and others asked of their readers, “a willing suspension of disbelief!”
Would You Believe? Unlimited Singles Looking For You!
I have some good news and some bad news. Which would you like first? Oh, the good news? I thought so! Christian dating in the 21st century offers fantastic opportunities and advantages that past generations of lonely hearts couldn’t have imagined; namely Christian singles websites where you can meet thousands of like-minded brothers and sisters for any relationship from pen pals, new friends, or a matchmaking opportunity, and all from the comfort of your computer corner. And yes, you can meet new people, wearing your jammies. Is this progress or what?!!
Online dating is especially welcoming to shy people because you don’t have to deal with awkward face to face meetings, as you would in a Christian singles brick and mortar club. You can visit and learn all about a new person for weeks online, exchanging photos and life histories until you feel comfortable enough with your friend to meet. If you have retreated into your shell it takes longer to allow courage and hope to work their magic.
Formerly, singles were limited to meeting potential mates in their immediate area. Churches offered help with their singles classes and group trips and activities but the internet will introduce you to multitudes of singles who are looking for someone special to love, so the chance of finding a perfect match is greatly enhanced, and along the way, you’ll also develop new friendships if there is no “love connection”, and your circle of friends will grow.
Singles in small towns and remote areas will be on a level playing field with city dwellers, able to meet unlimited new friends who may be feeling lonely too.
A note to Seniors: I’m so encouraged that many seniors are taking this opportunity to meet new online friends, prayer partners, pen pals and potential mates. If you don’t have a computer of your own, it doesn’t exclude you from meeting someone on the web. You may have a friend or family member who can get you started on their computer, and get an email address for you. After you have met someone and feel comfortable enough, you can share phone numbers and continue to get acquainted by phone and eventually meet.
Some seniors just buy a small keyboard, plug it into the TV and into the telephone jack and their TV becomes their monitor or screen upon which the internet unfolds in all it’s glory and potential to bring new friends into their lives. If you are interested in this, the monthly fee is about $20. Many seniors have access to computers in senior centers or their club house and another place to access the internet is at your local library. You could call to see if they can supply an email address for you, as some libraries do not. Also ask if you will need to make an appointment ahead of time.
Just a note for Christian singles who may be lonely or depressed. There is an old adage: “To have friends, you must first be a friend.” This doesn’t mean that you are unfriendly! It means that if you wish to end your loneliness and make friends you must take the initiative. Reach out your hand of friendship to others. By doing so the dark clouds of loneliness and depression will burn off in the warmth of friendship’s light. Here at CherishMates we hope that you will join our Christian dating program. It’s free to join. You may meet only those you wish to. Perhaps you only want a prayer partner or pen pal, that’s great! You’re moving in the right direction. If you wish for deeper relationships that’s entirely up to you. You will not be rushed. Why not get started today and blow away those clouds of loneliness and depression?
A lonely Child’s Scheme To Find Friends
Please indulge me in sharing this true story of my lonely early years. Loneliness is not a stranger to young children. I can still remember a deep longing to have a little girlfriend to play with when I was 3 or 4 years old. We lived in the country, too far to visit neighbors on my own, though a girl lived only half a mile away. I was the baby in a family of six and my mother spent a lot of time rocking me, singing old hymns and reciting poetry, but I longed for a girl my age and even had dreams at night of finally meeting one.
My brother Jimmy, already in first grade, would practice reading aloud to me, and he said the first thing he had to learn was how to read. Suddenly a light went on in my head; I hatched a plan to go to school early, where I knew there were plenty of little girls. I thought all I had to do was prove I could read and the principal would have to accept me. So I prodded Jimmy to read the first page over and over again until I’d memorized it. It went something like this: See Dick run. Run, Dick, run. See Spot jump. Jump, Spot, Jump.”(admittedly, the story didn’t have much of a plot, but it was easy to memorize!.) Flushed with excitement, I announced that I could go to school now because I knew how to read! Mom listened while I held the book and repeated the words I knew so well but she wasn’t convinced I could read because she pointed out that I was holding the book upside down!
Finally the magical day arrived, the first day of school. Although I was shy (and missed my mother) I embraced the experience and played with a whole gaggle of girls, and even a few snotty boys. It was heavenly!
I describe this type of loneliness as “situational” because it is easily remedied by a change in one’s life. Some of you may have this type, perhaps you’ve lost a loved one or are tired of the single life. But,Christian singles, search your heart for other emotional problems such as depression because they tend to hide themselves, and they must be dealt with or you can carry negative feelings and fears into a new relationship.
All the Ammunition You’ll Need to Conquer Loneliness!
Loneliness is epidemic but not insurmountable despite what Thomas Wolfe had to say about it:
“The whole conviction of my life now rests upon the belief that loneliness, far from being a rare and curious phenomenon, peculiar to myself and a few solitary men, is the central and inevitable fact of human existence.” (Pretty grim, huh? But have no fear, much has been learned about overcoming loneliness and its gloomy companion, depression.)
Thomas Wolfe’s hopeless evaluation might seem daunting to Christian singles interested in dating a wonderful Christian man or woman, but take heart! Come with me, your dating coach Katherine, along a tried and true path to happiness and fulfillment. I want to show you how to banish your own constellation of emotional hobgoblins once and for all, as I did, 10 years ago.
My shyness was the open door that allowed loneliness and depression to walk right in. Over the years I read various self-help books by psychologists and I tried their remedies but there was always something missing, the “missing link” that would reach way down to get to the root of my suffering. What I’ve discovered has helped others and will be a godsend to you, too! And, unlike the hapless evolutionist, I’ve found the missing link! It is my great joy to share it with you.
This guide was written by a Christian for Christians, but if you don’t fit into that catagory, you are very welcome to sift through the articles that apply to you, taking hold of anything that helps you. I care very much about you, too, and I hope I can lift your spirits and encourage you!
Now I will introduce one facet of treatment for loneliness, and later, as we go over other aspects of loneliness, you will learn many new remedies, too. But this one will be easy because all you need to do is open yourself up to the healing balm of laughter. I will set aside periods for breaks so we can lighten up and get our minds off what’s wrong in our lives. It is a positive move to retrain your mind, steadily, to focus on something else and push all sad or angry thoughts aside, if only temporarily in the beginning. As you read these jokes, let yourself relax and enjoy a respite. You deserve a break today. Enjoy!
– Things To Think About Today, Christian Singles-
1. How did a fool and his money get together in the first place?
2. Why do they put Braille on the number pads of drive-thru teller machines?
3. How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
4. If nothing sticks to Teflon, how do they stick Teflon to the pan?
5. What’s another word for thesaurus?
6. Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
7. Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?
8. Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
9. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
10.Can you be a closet claustrophobic?
11.When it rains, why don’t sheep shrink?
12.Can you cry underwater?
13.How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
14.Why is it that our children can’t read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?
15.How is it that we put a man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
16.Why argue with an idiot? People watching may not be able to tell the difference.
17.Why, when our forefathers guaranteed us the right to the pursuit of happiness, didn’t they give us a few clues where to find it?
CHRISTIAN SINGLES : GUIDE TO ENDING LONELINESS AND DEPRESSION Cont.
The laughter break is over and I do hope you took some of your medicine, meaning “A merry heart doeth good like a medicine”. We will take breaks for humor as we go along, because laughter brings many physical and emotional benefits, and anything which will retrain your mind to quit playing those old “tapes of sadness, despair and anger” and replace them with new, positive, life giving thoughts and dreams for a happier future will defeat loneliness, depression, and the other emotional stumbling blocks you may have encountered.
Now a Good News vs a Bad News question for your consideration:
We’ll dispense with the bad news as fast as we can. It is this: Loneliness has reached epidemic proportions in North America. Actually it is pandemic as many souls worldwide find themselves alone, disconnected from neighbors and family. Some reasons for this are longer working hours in demanding careers, more mobility, as grown children move far away for new jobs and better climate, etc, and the high tech and digital revolution, which some become addicted to. People may be “cocooning” inside, too much perhaps, due to fear of crime, and maybe they put off meeting new neighbors because they want to avoid inviting the “clinging” sort of neighbor who drops by every day and stays too long.
This cruel epidemic, loneliness, isn’t content with making us feel unloved and unwanted; it is implicated in a host of diseases and infirmities, including heart trouble, ulcers, arthritis and other painful conditions. It contributes to violence in the home, depression, overeating alcohol and substance abuse and more. (Even among Christians!)
However, it may help a little, knowing you are not alone. Most of the souls on Earth are suffering as well and know exactly how you feel. Jesus understands your pain . He lived among us and experienced loneliness because “His own received Him not”. Mother Teresa described the Lord’s sadness when she wrote,” When Christ said ‘I was hungry and you fed me’ he didn’t mean only the hunger for bread, He also meant the hunger to be loved. Jesus Himself experienced this loneliness first hand..’ He came amongst His own and His own received Him not.’ Every human being, in this case, resembles Christ in His loneliness, and that’s the hardest part, that’s the real hunger.” Now the Good News! Taste and see that the Lord is good! Read the following paragraph several times:
Envision the Savior by your side, loving and comforting you , ready to mend your broken heart and hold you in His arms. He cares and wants you to find love here on Earth, as you already have found in Heaven, with our dear Lord.
If you replied “No” to the above question, you may bring a note from your mother to skip the following frank discussion. Ahh, I see that none of you are willing to concede immaturity, so let’s jump right in. Are you ready to leap into the unknown?
The five levels of non-verbal communications
Leaning in toward your date is another sign to come a little closer. Christian singles note that brief incursions into the other persons “personal bubble” is a way of testing their willingness to allow you in. Remember, at this point the whole object is to get closer to that one whom you are attracted to, everything else, the conversation, music and dining is just a means to get more intimate.
The overt flirtations vary from person to person, they may be a wink or a pick-up line. Being a good flirt in the world of Christian dating is a bit touchy as there are some conservative sensibilities out there. Like it or not we all flirt, it is our only way of communicating our desires for one another. God gave us this system for a reason, so use it in good taste.
Let us discuss a topic of great interest ahead as it will help you, the Christian single to not only discern the intentions of the other party, but avoid causing anxiety for him or her. The subject ahead is PROXEMICS.
Proxemics is the study of human territories.
Ever wonder why the Italians are considered to be great romantics and lovers? It is because their culture is very touchy. They love to use expressive hand gestures and touch one another. Now let’s contrast this to German culture. The Germans are more reserved and not as touchy-feely as the Italians thus the not so romantic reputation ascribed to the Germans, fairly or not. Generalities are often wrong.
Most cultures respect the personal territories of individuals. People are territorial and desire to control the space around themselves. We will study this special usage in social settings.
An individual’s personal space or “bubble” varies with circumstances and the company present. The following applies to all cultures except Italian. Gotta love ’em!
Intimate distance = 0-18 inches
Good friends = 1.5 to 4 feet
Acquaintance = 4-12 feet
Public speaking =12 + feet
The five levels of non-verbal communications
Christian singles if we intrude into these territories we may cause anxiety. For example, police interrogators use proxemics; they will invade the suspects personal space to gain a psychological advantage. They will assume an in your face attitude to try to mentally coerce the suspect into submission. This is a very effective tool in the hands of authority. People who are aggressive will do the same to attempt to bully others. Political activists use this invasion of territories in the same manner. Most people will usually yield to the aggressor for a time.
There are other intimate zones which deserve mention here as well. Many people will sit in the same seat in school or even at church week after week until that seat becomes “theirs” If someone else sits there then conflict or at least resentment may arise even though there are no officially recognized seating arrangements.
Another example of respected territories is when we come across another’s intimate zone. For instance; someone is talking on the phone and we may pretend to be reading the paper. Or, there may be a couple arguing, so we pretend not to notice as we walk by.
Let’s recap with this important information for the Cherishmates Primer. A change in distance between two people face to face signals a desire for increased intimacy, aggression, or lack of interest.
Some will say that personal space is a myth, but we do know that people are territorial so play it safe and don’t step on anyone’s toes out there. This is especially important when it comes to Christian singles dating. We must be sensitive of one another’s territories. With this understanding, we can move confidently into the stages of online dating, and obviously, you will find this study of proxemics helpful as you learn to get along with new Christian singles, both male and female.
It is now time that we considered another topic so that any shyness, anxiety, or depression will not put a barrier between you and your new love interest. Yes, lonelinesss and depression are rampant today, and stand in the way of finding your dream mate, whether the depressed one is yourself or the one you hope to spend your life with, in happiness and contentment. These obstacles must first be overcome. The good news, though, is that there are definite steps you can take to solve these problems and we will spend time on overcoming them.
E-mail Etiquette For Christian Singles’ Online Dating
E-mail etiquette is called netiquette on the internet. There are only a few rules that apply to your online dating correspondence. Generally, all e-mail should be as polite and respectful, as your conversations are, offline. Be careful with humor, and be sure it will not be taken as an insult or put down. Use a smiley face or a comment like “just kidding” or to indicate that you meant no insult. After all, the person reading it cannot look clues, for an expression on your face, tone of voice, or a gesture, to show that you are not being sarcastic. While most e-mails are informal, it is wise to put your best foot forward since you are trying to make a good impression.
Do not consider your e-mail private. Always realize that others may read what you thought only your Christian Cherishmate would see. If you live with a family or have roommates, they may snoop while you are out, to see how the romance is moving along. One young woman was furious when her younger brother made copies of an e-mail she received, and shared all the mushy stuff and personal secrets with friends!
Using all capital letters is considered “shouting” so keep it to a minimum. You can capitalize a word or phrase to emphasize it, or use bold type, or underline it. Reading text in capital letters is also a strain on the eyes, and some readers are not used to it, so it will take them longer to read it.
It’s hardly worth mentioning two other breaches of netiquette, since I’m sure Christian singles would never be guilty of this rude behavior: Flaming means an abusive outraged attack. No one likes to be “Flamed” or hear excessive outrage about others, either. Your new lady love will not be favorably impressed by flaming, nor will a gentleman overlook such uncouth behavior. Another breach in netiquette is to talk suggestively in e-mail or instant messaging, using coarse language. This just indicates that you have no respect for the person you are writing to, and it also indicates that you are not serious about your Christian walk. No doubt, 99% of you Christian singles just read this paragraph for nothing! Sorry about that! I knew you didn’t need it! But that 1% might have needed it, and they know who they are!
When writing your first e-mail to a prospective Christian date, you can either begin with a breezy Hi!, or the usual salutation, Dear. And in closing, you could use the old standard, Sincerely, or even Love, especially if you follow it with “Your sister in Christ” or another comment, since, after all, we all are FAMILY, right? As I mentioned before, we share a unique relationship as Christian brothers and sisters, so we do not need to be as formal as we would be with others. The main idea is to sound warm and welcoming, without being outrageously too “familiar” in your first e-mail. Later you both may want to instant message each other, but don’t agree if you’re not ready for it. Your new friend will know when you are online and might continually interrupt whatever you are doing. Besides, e-mail allows you to give the impression that you have a life, (outside waiting for his or her response,) and the anticipation for him or her of receiving your next e-mail will be increased if you are not instantly available at all times. The time will come when you both know this is more than a casual friendship, then instant messaging will probably become essential!